The breakup letter
Warning: This post is full of crazy. I’m writing this at 4:30 in the morning because the guy I’m living with woke me up (AGAIN!) and I can’t get back to sleep. This is basically the final straw and I want out so I’m breaking up with him on my blog. But first, a letter:
Dear Inconsiderate Jerkface,
I hate you and want you dead.
Here are five reasons why today will be your last day on earth:
1. You’re needy and your timing sucks.
Tell me—TELL ME—why is it that when I am awake and there is ample light for me to kill you in cold blood spend some quality time with you, you are NOWHERE TO BE FOUND?
And yet—AND YET!—, precisely ten minutes after the lights go off, and just as I’m about to sleep … HI CHANEL I’M AWAKE! Just thought I’d wake up you to let you know that! Time to wake up even though it is the middle of the night! ZZZZZ PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE! And then its all, Chanel, I’m hungry! Chanel, feed me! And when I ignore you? YOU BITE ME. Seriously, WHAT THE HELL.
3. You can’t deal with conflict.
After you woke me up tonight, I actually got out of bed, turned on the lights and prepared to hash this out with you like two mature adults who are angry at each other at irrational hours of the night. INSTEAD—INSTEAD!—It happened more like this:
Jane* hacks Google Voice to work with her Canadian number, becomes one step closer to world domination
Guess who’s back!
Today, Jane* is going to show you how to hack Google Voice to work with your Canadian phone number(s). If you are Canadian and you know people outside of your local calling area, these four simple steps could save you hundreds of dollars in long distance charges every year. Curious? Read on.
What is this?
A hack that will enable you to place calls from your local calling area to anywhere in Canada and the U.S. for free. Additionally, you will be given a free U.S. number that your U.S. contacts can call, free of charge, that will connect them to your Canadian number. In other words: Free long distance calling to any number in North America.
DID YOU KNOW?
An unlimited North American long distance add-on to your existing mobile phone plan would cost you around $30 CAD a month. Using this hack instead would save you $360 CAD per year!
Jane* goes running in the rain, water damages her iPhone
Story time!
Today I’m going to tell you about the time Jane Doe water damaged her $600 phone. Jane owns an iPhone 3G. Jane likes to run. One day, Jane goes running in the rain with her iPhone. Everything is great until about an hour and a half later, when she comes home, puts her iPhone down, changes out of her wet clothes, only to find out her iPhone’s home button no longer works. Jane panics. She googles “iPhone water damage” and finds out where the water sensors are located on the iPhone. The disturbing red indicator in the iPhone dock reveals the worst: her phone is water damaged, and her warranty? Useless.
THE UNABASHED HORROR. The iPhone is essentially useless without the home button.
But Jane’s story has a happy ending. If you, like Jane, own an piece of electronic technology that gets water damaged, there are a couple things you can do right away that cost you nothing and may totally save your device’s life.
Seven days without a computer makes one weak
Last week, my laptop went into repair.
“When will it be done?” I asked.
“Could be up to two weeks, but probably only a couple days,” cute, possibly-future-husband-material Apple store genius replied.
THE UNABASHED HORROR!
There are people whose lives do not revolve around the computer, and then there is me. Chanel. Girl who is unabashed in her dependance upon her computer and the internet. Girl who is taking online classes. Girl who has all her assignments and notes on her precious laptop. Girl who shoots with a digital SLR, making her photography incomplete without a laptop to process photos. Girl whose major hobbies include web design and blogging.
Girl who is screwed without her laptop.
On Wednesday, I had a gorgeous Macbook Pro with a 15″ matte display that processed graphics with amazing crispness, brightness and clarity. On Thursday, I was timesharing a Windows 7 starter 10″ glossy display netbook with three other people.
Awful doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Celebrity sightings: Two mass murderers
My dad (the very same one who wanted me to tell my readers he was “dead, or something”) has always preferred to have fish as pets over any other animal. Don’t ask me why. Personally, I prefer to have pets that won’t be assisting the devil in eradicating the human race during the apocalypse, but that’s just me.
A couple weeks ago, my dad’s outdoor fishpond was raided. He had about eight fat, orange goldfish in it. One morning, he woke up to check on his pond, only to find the headless bodies of every single one of his goldfish strewn all across our patio.
That’s right. HEADLESS GOLDFISH. ALL OVER OUR PATIO.
Are you reading this before bed? So sorry. Maybe you should listen to this instead:
In case you’re wondering, the only reason I’m here writing instead of sitting in therapy right now is because I didn’t actually see these headless goldfish at the time. Unfortunately, my dad missed one headless goldfish which had fallen behind the pool, and I had the great misfortune of noticing it when I went outside with my tray of grapefruit a week later.
(Needless to say, I couldn’t finish that tray of goldfish-colored fruit.)
We know for a fact that raccoons were responsible for this mass murder. Specifically, the two raccoons who are always in our yard at inappropriate times, driving our dog nuts just as we’re about to enter the deepest level of sleep around 4 a.m.
Have you ever wanted to see the face of a mass murderer? Here you go:
Look, don’t be fooled by their big eyes, chocolate button nose, long whiskers and teeny paws. Raccoons are cute, but they’re also jerks. They have no sense of decency. Who steals someone’s pets, noms off their heads and leaves the rest behind for the pet owner to dispose of? RACCOONS, THAT’S WHO. Heartless wankers.
Among my many talents, I can also speak Raccoon. Here’s what transpired between the three of us while I was busy taking photos of them…
Of the olympic torch relay, canadian patriotism and oh yes, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
It’s finally here.
In 2003, Vancouver won the bid to host the XXI Winter Olympics. I didn’t really care. I had never really followed the olympics before so it didn’t really excite me. I also didn’t realize the magnitude of this event. In fact, nothing Olympics had really phased me until I went downtown for opening day of the games and realized two things:
(1) HOLY COW WE’RE HOSTING THE WORLD.
(2) HOLY COW THOSE SEVEN YEARS WENT FAST.
So it begins. I have no tickets for any of the olympic games that are happening MINUTES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE because I had pretty much forgotten this would happen until up until maybe, two weeks ago? when they started closing off roads. I also thought I didn’t care about sports, especially winter ones since I pretty much detest snow, but apparently, Canadian pride changes your taste in things.
Internet, I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but… I AM SO STOKED FOR THE HOCKEY GAMES. (And P.S., Canada? YOU BETTER NOT LOSE. I don’t even know the first thing about hockey, but I do know that I want you to kick the world’s ass. No pressure or anything.)
Highlights of January 2010
In order to make sure each month in 2010 is noteworthy and more fabulous than the one before it, at the end of each month I’m going to be posting the highlights of that month as a way of creating pressure on me to make things happen. Here’s what went down in January:
Snowball Classic
First up, Snowball classic – probably the biggest, most prestigious ballroom competition in the lower mainland. This year we hosted the 2010 Word Latin Cup, which brought top level dancers from all over the world to compete against each other for the title spots. It was pretty amazing. I brought my camera with me on Saturday night to get some photos, and they actually turned out pretty well, all things considered!
