Problem: You are the proud owner of several mac products and a frequent shopper at Whole Foods. You feel like you have reached the ceiling of your proverbial pretentiousness. What’s your next move?

Solution: Combine your love for overpriced technology and overpriced food into the trifecta of pretentiousness: WholeFoods Market + iPad 2 + FaceTime!

The real reason my brother FaceTimed me in Whole Foods: He brought his iPad with him specifically so he could show our dad how FaceTime worked. Suffice to say, dad was impressed; When he was my brother’s age, there was no video conferencing from the grocery store to a family member back at home to check and see if you had the right brand of pasta sauce.

Pretentiousness aside, if you actually think about it, it’s kind of amazing that someone can have a video conference call over Wi-Fi in the middle of a grocery store with someone else anywhere in the world. Our generation often finds it frustrating and baffling that our parents struggle to understand the same technology that comes so natural to us, but if we actually stop to think about it, that’s because this stuff didn’t exist for the greater part of our parents’ lives.

Even though there is only five years difference between my brother and I, he cannot remember a time before the internet, while I can. Yet, I can’t remember a time before television, but my parents can. Years down the road when I have kids that are in their teens and twenties, what will the technology gap look like then?

“Remember how I was telling you about that thing called the Internet? Well, back in the year 2011 when your mom was in her twenties, she wrote stuff on this thing called a blog …”

“Mommy, what’s this brick thing?” … “Sweetie, its called an iPhone. I got this one in the year of 2009. It was the top-of-the-line smartphone at the time, touchscreen too!” … “What’s a smartphone?”

Horrifying.

Forget the debate about whether or not leggings qualify as pants—this is all you really need to cover (pun intended) in order to wear leggings in a socially-acceptable, family-friendly way:

EDITED TO ADD: If you’re still confused about how to wear leggings, here is an example of how not to wear them:

Continue Reading →

VANCOUVER, BC — A local Vancouver woman was in for the surprise of her life last night when she awoke at 12:30 AM to find an unidentified white male rummaging through the clothes in her bedroom.

CHNL 5 News got an exclusive interview with the woman, who wishes to remain anonymous for personal reasons.

“I was shocked”, the woman said. “At first I was speechless and scared. But then I gathered my wits, threw on the lights and jumped out of bed.”

How did the man react?

“He was surprised. He clearly didn’t expect to be caught.” She responds. “It looked like he was trying to hide something in my clothes. When I confronted him, he grabbed whatever he was trying to hide and escaped. I hardly had any time to react.”

Mr. Wood’s mugshot from 2007, when he was charged and convicted of grand theft.

Earlier that evening, Vancouver police say they got a call from another Vancouver home not too far from this one, claiming a stale, half-eaten baguette was stolen from their kitchen. Police believe the two incidents are related.

Witnesses from both scenes describe the thief intruder as a middle-aged white male about 2 feet tall with black eyes and white hair.

Local police believe Mr. Winkey Wood, an 8 year old Vancouver resident known for his run-ins with the law, may be a suspect in both cases. “Mr. Wood has been linked to other food-related thefts in this arena,” A media spokesperson for the Vancouver Police said in a press meeting earlier this morning. “Another we don’t currently know why he commits these crimes, he is our prime suspect in this investigation.”

Mr. Wood first gained notoriety in the arena when when he was charged and convicted of grand theft back in 2007. Most notably, he is also the son of Chanel Wood, a Vancouver blogger who frequently posts photos of her son on her website. She was not available for comments.

Mr. Wood was last seen at 12:30 AM this morning, and is wanted by the Vancouver Police for theft and breaking and entering. If you have any information that could lead to Mr. Wood’s arrest, you are urged to call the Metro Vancouver Crime Stoppers at 1-800- 222-8477. If you see Mr. Wood, you are advised not to approach him. Police warn that he has previous record of being aggressive when approached, and instead advise you contact Crime Stoppers immediately.