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I don’t know what it’s like in the rest of the world, but the last two days in Vancouver have been absolutely brutal, temperature-wise. Most locals around here have spent the majority of June whining about the lack of summer and then all of a sudden, SHAZAAM!, 100 degree weather two days in a row.

Well. Let me be the first person to tell you that I hope it rains as soon as possible, because this face-melting heat is HELL. As far as I know, Canadian homes this side of the country aren’t even equipped with air conditioner—which means a whole lot of fans, cold showers, running through sprinklers and sprawling out in dark, cold places are employed as heat-diffusing techniques.

C’MON NOW. If I wanted to live in an oven, I’d move to the south. I’m a 60 degrees sunny day kind of girl. This is why I live in Vancouver. I love the rain, I love the sun, but I hate extreme cold and extreme heat. How about some moderation, weatherman?

According to our local newspaper, summer is the most dangerous time of year. After experiencing two full days of this said “summer”, I’m afraid I will have to agree—and since I feel especially fortunate to have survived the past few days, I feel that it is my duty as an upstanding citizen to share my newfound summer-surviving knowledge with the rest of the world. Behold:

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As seen posted in a financial planner’s office a couple weeks ago:

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be able as happy as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in… make sure you are willing to unload.
7. You will never “have it all together”.
8. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
9. The biggest lie on the planet: “When I get what I want, I will be happy.”
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
11. “Takers” lose, “givers” win.
12. Life’s precious moments don’t have value unless they are shared.
13. If you don’t start, it is certain you won’t arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want most.
15. He or she who laughs, lasts.
16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities, not guarantees.
18. Life is what’s coming, not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong, don’t go with them.

I think number seven applies most to me; I have a frequent tendency to feel as if sometime in the future I will hit a point in my life where I will “have it all together”, even though I know this is as likely as me moving to a mud hut in Fiji so I can swim with sea monsters every day.

… Although, come to think of it, number ten really applies to me as well. Every since the invention of RSS feeds, The Superficial, cheap airfare via Kayak and Rolo max ice cream (kidding about the last one, maybe), I’ve become remarkably good at (temporarily) escaping problems.

Which ones do you find most applicable to you?

A couple friends and I headed downtown this evening to attend The Cheaper Show (eighth installment), a one-night-stand art show featuring 150 artists and 300 pieces of original artwork. A bit about the show from the official website:

On June 21st, 2008, the eighth installment of The Cheaper Show series will take place in the Gastown district of Vancouver, BC.

The concept of The Cheaper Show is very simple: 150 multi-disciplined international artists presenting 300 pieces of art, each priced at $200 for one night only. Far from being an ‘art sale,’ each exhibiting artist consciously makes a sacrifice by selling their work for less than its potential value. This creates united support for the event, the arts community, and an opportunity for this show to take place in an environment that is accessible to everyone. In turn, many walk away with sales, exposure, commissions and gallery representation, as well as having an opportunity to connect with peers on an even playing field.

As it turned out, this was a popular place to be tonight; well over a thousand people attended. The show opened at 7pm and by the time we’d arrived (8pm) the lineup to get in was several blocks long. We waited in line 45 minutes only to get about 1/4 of the way to the entrance before we decided to go eat and try the line again at 10.

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On the way home from Surrey tonight (DON’T EVEN SAY A WORD), a girl sitting across from me on the Skytrain started a conversation with me. It began with a comment about a fighting couple that had just gotten off and ended with the story of how she had just broken up with her boyfriend of twelve years.

They have two kids together. She always paid for things like groceries and utilities. He always paid for things like the TV and the barbecue. Guess who got what.

Breakups are always so messy. The Dividing Of The Stuff makes it all that much harder.

But damn, 12 years? And two kids?

It kind of made me realize, shit, the things we go through for happiness.

I’m one of those people who wear runners with (nearly) everything.

Running shoes are practical. Sure, flats are cute. But they kill your feet and leave you (me) limping after a day in the city. Sure, heels are sexy. But they’re impractical to wear for day-to-day use.

Can a girl not win?

As a general rule of thumb, if where I’m going involves walking from more than just the car to the destination, I forgo the four inch heels for running shoes. Because I mean, seriously. I’m a practical girl. I wouldn’t walk ten blocks in heels unless true love and a million dollars were waiting for me at the end.

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I don’t usually post things like this on here because what I write here is totally supposed to be all SERIOUS! and THOUGHT-PROVOKING!, but this video is just so many levels of awesome hilarity and pure GANGSTA that I just couldn’t resist.

Other worthy runner-ups:
- The Indian version of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”
- A Bollywood video from the 80s featuring Superman, Spiderman and GOD AWFUL “special effects”

The other day a good friend and I were talking about terrorists, because you know, that subject totally comes up in all my conversations. RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE RISING COST OF OIL PRICES.

Brainwashing aside, don’t these guys ever question the situation they’ve found themselves in? Forget about the blowing up and killing part – they’re promised a certain number of virgins in the next life for “martyrdom”… Aren’t you going to ask for photos first?

After all, you may never know who you’re going to get…

Male friend:
Personally, I’d need to see their pictures first

Male friend:
Maybe like a myspace

Chanel:
I wonder what would happen if one of them asked?

Male friend:
Terrorist: “May I view a picture of one of my virgins before I strap these bombs on my back?”

Chanel:
Muhammad: “Yes, you may” … *hands over a picture*

Chanel:
Terrorist: “WTF DUDE, THAT’S MY SISTER!”

As seen scrawled into the back of a stall door in the ladies washroom at a rest stop off the I-5 North:

TRUE LOVE WAITS

For what?

A confirmation number

I love reading the things people write on the walls in the stalls of bathrooms.

At first glance, most bathroom graffiti typically looks like trash—you know, the usual suspects of “JESSICA WUZ HERE” and “JT+BS FOR EVA”—and if you take it for face value, it’s nothing more than that. But if you really think about it, everything written on those walls has a story behind them. People do everything for a reason, even if they don’t consciously know the reason for it at the time.

Whenever I read the things people write on walls, I simply can’t help but wonder about the author’s life: Are JT and BS still together? What’s Jessica doing now? … And when you read particularly chilling words like “I can’t take this anymore”… Are you still hanging in there?

It’s such an odd thought, looking over a cluttered wall and knowing that many, many people have been exactly where you are, and of all those people, some of them felt particularly impressed to write something on the walls surrounding them. They’re each strangers to the next, all going through different things in life, some coming in, some going out… But the one thing these strangers all have in common is the wall. They wrote on the wall.

We’re not all that far apart from each other as may we think.

What’s the most memorable thing you’ve ever seen on a bathroom wall?

I love America.

I’m not even sure if I can correctly articulate how much I adore American culture, but I suspect it’s because the US is so different from Canada. Everything is so surreal. They’re all so “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”, “SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!” and “WE LOVE TACO BELL!” … Just like in the movies or on CNN. (The different between the two, by the way? Not much.)

I know most people either have no opinion or a very strong opinion on America and American things, but I can’t help but fuss and giggle over nearly everything American. Like their accents. And their restaurants. And their food. And George W. Bush. I may not agree with everything, but it’s America. And being Canadian, you can’t help but marvel at how oddly different everything is.

Sort of like yesterday, when I asked the gas station attendant how to get back on the highway. After using the word “highway” to refer to the freeway (or is it interstate?) at least ten times in the span of about two minutes, he finally snapped:

“It’s the FREEWAY, ma’am. FREEWAY.”

My apologies. Back at home they call them big roads HIGHWAYS.

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