5 Reasons why Twilight sucked
Before I begin, let me preface this by saying that I actually had hopes for this movie. Even though I did not enjoy the books, I felt that Twilight was the kind of story that would make a better movie than a book; and it would have, had the following not gone all wrong…
1. The acting
It was more than bad. It was awful. Most of the characters seemed so awkward with each other, like they had all been thrown together on a high saturation set with a script and told to just act it out. Edward and Bella seemed to have zero chemistry (just like the book) and were awkward around each other all the time, even when they should have been more comfortable.
Charlie and Jacob’s dad (Billy, was it?) were the two best acted parts in the movie. I thought that Charlie’s relationship with Bella was believable, true to the book (from what I can remember) and just awkward enough to fit the background. And, he was funny, in a sort of a passive way.
2. The dialogue
I’m not even sure where to get started on this one, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie that has had such awful, choppy, awkward, inexperienced dialogue such as this one. I thought vampires were supposed to have smooth, melodic voices that flowed like honey? Instead, what you get is short bursts of crammed dialogue followed by long awkward pauses. Nothing flows, even when it’s supposed to. Instead, you get this: “Iknowwhatyouare” (in one breath) [pause pause pause] “whatami, (in one breath) bella?”
3. The facial expressions
Edward: Most of the time, he looked (and spoke) like he had a large stick up his ass.
Bella: Has this girl never had a happy moment in her life? She claims to be in love with Edward, and the last time I checked, when you’re in love with someone, they generally make you happy. Why is it then that Bella NEVER CRACKS A SMILE throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE? I understand danger befalls you constantly and you live in a small town that would make anyone want to kill themselves, but girlfriend’s gotta lighten up a bit!
Bubblegum disco
In about half an hour, I will be heading to the mall (a place I haven’t been in maybe, two months?) wearing this outfit (note the pink!) to see The Best Friend (a girl I also haven’t seen in two months) to pay 11 bucks to see a movie that primarily attracts screaming 13 year olds.
It’s like high school all over again!
The Starbucks Delusion
I know I literally write about this at least once or twice a year, but it is ASTOUNDING how much I can get done if I really start my day before 9, 10, or 11 am.
Normally, I prefer to wake up later and just work later into the evening, but this getting up early and not being dead tired (a result of going to bed earlier the previous night) really is quite appealing. I’ve been meaning to make the switchover from night owl to One Of Those Adult People, and now I may have just stumbled on newfound motivation to do so.
On a somewhat related but mostly unrelated note…
This morning I got up at A Respectable Adult Hour, dropped my brother off at school in North Vancouver and came home, stopping at the Granville skytrain station on my way back to grab a grande steamed soy with hazelnut from Starbucks. Normally I don’t really indulge in such things, but since I was freezing and it was still a ways home, I indulged.
You know, I felt so trendy, walking the streets of downtown Vancouver with a Starbucks drink in hand. Waiting at every pedestrian crossing, I was surrounded by sharply dressed individuals all off on their morning routines. They had gotten up early too! They were trendy and well dressed too! They were all enjoying their hot morning beverages too! I was one of them! I was trendy too!
Well, okay… Honestly? Maybe I was mostly trendy. I might have forgotten to comb my hair or put on make up that morning, and there was a good possibility I was not wearing Burberry and Armani like the rest of my streetwalking companions—I might have left the house in an oversized red University of Arkansas sweater and brown sneakers that clashed with everything else I was wearing. Maybe.
Hey, it was fun while it lasted!
A not so merry christmas photo
If only I could describe to you the picture of chaos that was going on before, during, and after the shooting of this photo. I’ve mentioned Winkey’s affinity for public displays of aggressiveness towards other dogs before, but this was truly the first time his antics have taken place against the backdrop of, “FREE DOG PHOTO WITH SANTA WITH DONATION TO ANIMAL SHELTER!”
Even Santa was a little afraid, and that overweight dude slides himself down chimneys every year.
Fire in the sky
Over the weekend, we got some funny weather. It started with heavy rain (that sounded from inside like it was going to break down the windows) and turned into something a whole lot more beautiful…
A rainbow!
And then the sky caught on fire.
Lazy and ridiculous
Here’s a definition of lazy and ridiculous for you: sharing a light bulb between two lamps because there are no more unused light bulbs in the house, and you haven’t gotten around to buying more.
(Brother enters bedroom, sits on bed)
“Hey, I need you to tell me what chocolates you want. The orders need to be in by tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sure. Just hold on a sec…”
(Chanel walks over to desk, unscrews light bulb from—)
“—What are you doing?”
“Getting us light so I can see”
(Brother gives me crazy looks, doubts my sanity)
“Okay then…”
That’s right, folks. Twice a day, I unscrew light bulbs. I unscrew the light bulb from the lamp on my bedside table (used for reading, the night before) and screw it into the lamp on my desk when I need to work. Then, 12 hours later, I unscrew the light bulb from desk lamp and screw it back into the lamp on my bedside table when I want to read. The next morning, the routine repeats itself.
And you thought you were bad.
Et Il a mangé le bébé!
I’m going to be honest here: I am not one of those people who enjoys sitting through videos of children doing so-called “cute” things. Most of the time, I just don’t find it as cute as other people seem to. I’m not sure what it is—maybe they have to be related to me to activate that particular maternal gene?
Having said that, this little French girl by the name of Capucine is just so adorable it melts my icy heart and I can’t stop watching this video. So watch it, especially if you’re like me. And stay until at least 1:51, because that has to be the cutest expression I have ever seen.
There is a reason I post this here, by the way. So watch it and then keep reading.
Selfless love
The other day, I was talking to a friend about relationships and dating.
“You know, sometimes I just find this whole thing so depressing,” I said. “There is always a catch to the good ones, you never have any attraction or chemistry with the ones who are perfect for you, and then there are those who want you but are no good for you—where are the ones who are just as good for you as you are for them?”
“Taken,” He replied. “Taken by girls who don’t deserve them.”
Have you ever wondered why this appears to be?
Most women, at some point in their lives, have made The List. The List, for those who aren’t familiar with the term, is a list of things a woman wants in a man. Smart, good-looking, hard working, sociable, wealthy, influential, drives a nice car, has shiny teeth—whatever is on it, The List varies from woman to woman, but they all have one, either in their heads or on paper.
A couple months after my 16th birthday, my parents gave me a purple notebook. I still have it today. I entitled it “Chanel’s handbook for life”, and in it, I made lots of lists. I made one on the person I would like to be, my priorities in life (and what they should actually be), the perfect way to balance my time and energy, goals I want to achieve in my lifetime, things I want to do in my lifetime, life lessons I have learned, things I need to change, etc. etc. And then I made The List.
Tight squeeze, cool breeze, now you’ve got the shiveries!
“And where are you from?”
“Vancouver, BC… in Canada”
“Oh, Canada! This must be warm for you.”
“Well actually…”
The lady with the skirt
This was spotted among the other bizarre sights on our road trip to Salt Lake City. Am I the only one who finds this really strange, and maybe a little funny?
(Other info of note: It was windy, and pieces of hay kept flying out and hitting our windshield as the horse was taking chunks out of it to eat. And then my mother commented on how, from behind, this horse’s behind looked like the behind of a fat women who’s skirt was blowing the wind.)
Cleaning out the engine sludge
- Answer more questions in “yes” or “no”; less “maybe”.
- Stop unnecessarily explaining yourself.
- Get your inboxes down to zero (currently: 1497 in gmail; over 2500+ in hotmail).
- Unsubscribe to all e-newsletters and “junk” email lists.
- Clean your desk, throw away unnecessary papers.
- Return emails and calls within 24 hours.
- Put every last stray file in your computer away where it belongs.
- Get things done when the come to your attention; not “later”.
- Tidy often instead of deep cleaning infrequently. It’s less work for you.
- Stop making excuses. Be honest about being a lazy ass.
- Make your workspace look like a workspace, and not a victim of hurricane.
- GET TO SLEEP BEFORE MIDNIGHT.
Red, yellow, orange
There are some crazy colors going on outside right now.
Chanel: Now older
Sneaking away my dog from me, smuggling a bouquet of balloons into the basement, tying them to Winkey’s collar and then surprising me by asking me to call the dog—bright colored birthday balloons bounding behind him—has quite possibly been the cutest birthday surprise I’ve ever gotten.
The week of mourning
This will be the last post I write at the age I currently am, but will not be when I wake up tomorrow. Being the optimistic person I am, I have referred to this past week as “the week of mourning”. Seeing those words on Facebook and MSN has alarmed a couple people and brought about concerned questions like, “is everything alright?” or, “what happened?!!”—but worry quickly fades into amusement when they find out the only thing I’m mourning right now is the loss of my youth.
Don’t scoff. It’s a legitimate reason to mourn. Although, some people may not agree…
Embarrassing and proud
On our final evening in Salt Lake City, we met up with our team for dinner at Spencer’s For Steaks and Chops, a restaurant voted “best steakhouse in Utah”. This actually has nothing to do with what I’m about to write about, but I thought I’d throw that in there, because hey, you don’t see two vegetarians at a table with eight other plates of 14 oz, $33 steak everyday now do you?
(They also offered a wine list with prices up to $3000 a bottle, and no I am not kidding you. As one woman said: “If I’m going to drop that much money, I’d like to have something to show for it, like a pair of Manolos, or you know, A DIAMOND maybe?”)
While we were waiting for our food, the conversation on the southern end of the table turned to pictures of our kids, namely, the subject of carrying photos of them with us. Out of the five women involved in the conversation, one of them had photos of her children, one didn’t, one didn’t have kids, and two of them carried photos of their dogs instead.
So those who had photos passed them around. And just as I was putting my phone away, it hit me:
You know you’ve been sitting in too many business trainings when…
“Hey mom, I have a question for you! How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
“Is the woodchuck business-minded? A person’s potential is determined by their mindset. Is he coachable? Teachable? Dedicated? Hardworking? Can he use a phone? How badly does he want this wood? You know, the woodchuck could leverage his woodchucking abilities if he brought in a team of woodchuckers to work with him.”
“… You do know that was a rhetorical question, right?”
Retrospection
The open road
We must go beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness and travel and explore and tell the world the glories of our journey.
John Hope Franklin
Sometimes I feel like I have my toes curled around the edge of the universe.
Very encouraging
As we were driving to Salt Lake City, somewhere between Eastern and Western Oregon on either the I-82 E or the I-84 E (too specific, I know), we ran into a particular stretch of consecutive highway exits with the most bizarre (not to mention, creepy) names.
First there was the exit to Coffin Road. Next came Poverty Flat. Following that, Old Emmigrant Road. But my personal favorite? The exit to Deadman’s Pass with the gigantic sign next to it saying—and I kid you not—”DRIVE SAFELY!”
Just one of the many reasons I love road trips: you never know what you’ll see.
Toto, I don’t think we’re in Vancouver anymore
At a KFC drive thru around 8pm somewhere in eastern Oregon:
“Welcome to KFC, what can I get for you tonight?”
“Can I have a veggie chicken burger?”
“A what?”
“Veggie chicken burger?”
“You mean the ten piece?”
“No, the VEGGIE. CHICKEN. BURGER.”
“The ten piece, right?”
“NO. It’s a burger with a vegetarian chicken patty in it..”
“Do you want thighs or strips?”
“I want the VEGETARIAN. CHICKEN. BURGER.”
(A lady, presumably his supervisor, comes on)
“How can I help you, madam?”
“Do you have the vegetarian chicken burger?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Click.
Unsure of whether or not the lady in the talking box at KFC actually hung up on us, we drive forward to the window, hoping that maybe they can understand us a bit better if we talk to them face to face, and here is what happens:
“So you wanted the 10 piece, right?”
“Umm, no. We wanted the vegetarian chicken burger.”
“Thighs or strips?”
“No no no—its a BURGER made with a vegetarian imitation chicken patty… It’s not actually meat. They sell them in Canada…”
(Guy looks utterly confused, like, vege-whaaaat?)
“Let me… go ask my manager.”
“Yeah, I don’t think we have those things here.”
Day 1: Overdrive Dance Party
After fifteen hours on the road, we safely arrived in Salt Lake City today around 3:30pm. I’m incredibly tired right now, even though its actually only 9:45pm back at home, but I wanted to get some of these photos up before I welcomed my lovely queen sized bed with open arms.
XanGo usually starts their annivarsary conventions off with a themed dance party to break the ice. This year’s dance party theme was “overdrive”, however, as you’ll soon see, people mostly dressed up however they wanted to. I didn’t dress up at all, because I’m obviously no fun.
And we’re supposed to be good at hockey
From the front page of The Vancouver Sun:
The Canucks are the longest-running melodrama in our city. In 37 years, they’ve never won a Stanley Cup and have been to the finals only twice. Yet we, the fans, have never lost the faith. Forever Faithful—The Canucks Movie pays tribute to us, their diehard boosters.
Iain MacIntyre
I’m no hockey fan or sports genius, but even I know enough to realize that playing for thirty seven years and never once winning is a little sad, and not in the boo hoo kind of way, but more in the “wow, this hockey team is an embarrassment to our city” kind of way.
Of elections, conventions, and republicans
Early tomorrow morning we’re off to Salt Lake City, Utah to attend the 6th annual XanGo Convention. Some of you may recall that I went last year and it was an absolute blast—and also like last year, that invitation to stalk me down still stands.
This year we’re driving down instead of flying. This is what my mother had to say about that:
Me: “You know, tonight is election night and tomorrow morning we’re going to be driving through a Republican state to get to an even more Republican state…”
My mother: “Oh no! If Obama wins, there will be violence on the road!”
And she was totally serious. Aren’t Canadians cute?
Meanwhile, I’m curious: Who do you think will win the 2008 U.S. Presidential election tonight, and why?
The Four Seasons
Every year, day after day, year after year, mother nature acts out a story.
It starts with the birth of the world. The clouds started to part, showering the earth with life-giving rain. The grass comes to life, growing greener and greener by day. The flowers wake up from the ground, starting as buds, soon to bloom into a picture of beauty. The trees wake up from their sleep, and some of her children come out to play after a long nap. The inhabitants of the earth called this spring, for everything had sprung to life.
The earth continued to grow and grow, pulsing with newfound vitality. The sun started to show up to work more often, cuddling the planet with light and warmth. Everything from the foundations of the earth to the bluish tint in the skies was at its peak, its climax. The inhabitants of the earth called this summer, for what had started in spring had somehow bled into summer.
Point, missed.
The scene: It’s family time. I’m showing my father my iPhone, while my brother is showing my mother his PSP. He’s customized it to have the exact same kind of interface as the iPhone. It does a lot of the same things an iPhone does. My brother and my mother are currently surfing the internet on it.
My mother: “Bring up her blog. What did she write on that thing now?”
My brother, pretending to read out loud: “I hate my life. I hate my mom. I’m really sorry I got an iPhone, because Denzil’s PSP is just so much cooler. This will be my last post here. Save the flies. I hate my life. The birds are dying. I’m going to kill myself now.”
My mother: “… DID SHE REALLY WRITE ‘I HATE MY MOM’?!!”
Vegan Tropical Cheesecake
“Vegan? Ew!”
Don’t lie. Most of you are inclined to think the very same way whenever you hear that word used in reference to foods that are normally supposed to be non-vegan. If you’ve never had the chance to taste vegan or vegetarian dishes prepared right, I don’t blame you—there are a lot of meat and dairy “alternatives” out there that are simple awful.
This vegan tropical cheesecake has actually been a hit with a number of my meat-eating, non-vegan friends and family; so much so, I’ve actually had several requests for the recipe, which is why I decided to post it here. It’s super easy to make, and with no added sugar or dairy, it’s a whole lot less fattening and better for your arteries. Win win!
