Day 133: Grace In Small Things
- Fried tofu sandwiches with basil. Seriously delicious!
- How that weird, flippy feeling my stomach has refused to do in months comes so easily when I look back on certain conversations with certain people.
- Friends who know exactly what to say to turn your mood around.
- The closing of this whirlwind month.
- The Stumble! button on my browser. I wouldn’t know what to do without it.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 132: Grace In Small Things
- Getting up before Merissa texts me for our Monday morning call with Justin.
- First dinner out on the patio this year.
- Outdoor speakers that bring the lovely music from my 1940s records
- Tasty tomato-based anything.
- The way food warms, softens and wins over the heart.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 131: Grace In Small Things
- Cute Elvis impersonators.
- Sitting in the shade on a hot day, listening to renditions of Elvis’s gospel music—in Penticton, British Columbia.
- Homemade chocolate chip cookies and mint chocolate chip ice cream—that someone who is not me made.
- Blues riffs on the piano.
- Being home. (Truly, there is no place like it!)
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 130: Grace In Small Things
- Getting to wear said awesome dress for under 20 USD.
- Eating Casava and Taro—root vegetables Fijians typically eat—with group of Fijians on a breezy summer afternoon. (FTR: It was delicious.)
- Amazing a capella singing.
- Naps in the dying afternoon sun.
- Fortune cookies. They’re delicious.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 129: Grace In Small Things
- Getting whisked off to the Americas again.
- Making sure I actually looked half decent before I stepped out of the car, because even in a different country it is just my luck that I will run into someone I know — which I did, amazingly enough.
- Comfortable beds and nice sheets.
- Having an iPhone that can connect me to the internet when I’m traveling sans the laptop.
- The feeling of freshly washed, clean feet after walking around dusty malls in flip flops all day.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 128: Grace In Small Things
- Seeing old friends for the first time in ages.
- Seeing a legit Polaroid camera the size of a dinner plate. In person. And having my photo taken by it.
- Merissa’s super fun birthday dinner.
- Deep talks on the way back to the skytrain station.
- Not getting jumped, raped and killed on my dark three block walk back to my house — again.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 127: Grace In Small Things
- Having an awesome dinner with the best friend who is moving away for the last time.
- Retro 50’s diners. With lots of veg options. And real milkshakes. And deep fried Mars bars!
- Taking public transit — the more I take it, the more I love it.
- Not getting jumped, raped and killed on my dark three block walk back to my house!
- Actually getting some things done in the midst of storm clouds.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Dissecting storm clouds
This month has been hard on me, emotionally and physically. A piece of cake by some people’s standards, I’m sure, but for me, it has been one of the hardest months I’ve had in awhile—or possibly ever, if I could remember clearly. And so, like any other normal person, I decided to turn 24 bipolar days of highs and lows into four specific lists.
I’m not going to lie; this post probably has nothing for you. It has no deep questions or things to ponder. It’s just a series of lists; a glimpse into the way my mind organizes the things that happen to me, at best. I originally wrote this in twisted, masochistically curious humor (why else would anyone want to relive all the bad things that happened to them for the sake of making it into a list?), but in writing this and other things, I have a feeling I have hit the last nail in the coffin on how writing can be like therapy for me.
So here it goes…
Things that have gone wrong so far in June:
- Someone I love was given 48 hours to live—three weeks ago.
- Extremely stressful family drama, which I—despite my best attempts—got sucked into because somebody has to be the voice of reason and make people calm down.
- I went to the dentist and found out everything I cooked up in my head and freaked out about thanks to google is actually true: I will need three wisdom teeth pulled and three cavities drilled, which means: THREE OR MORE NEEDLES IN MY MOUTH. (So pretty much, I’m going to die. Bring daisies to my funeral.)
- Having my wallet—complete with credit card, UBCDC ID, student ID, drivers license, money and a 50 dollar gift card—stolen. While I was at the hospital.
- Because of all the things that have happened, all the other things in my life (namely, the two big ones: my business and my education) haven’t been attended to in weeks, causing me even more stress because I am so behind on everything and more problems and stresses are piling up because of that.
Day 126: Grace In Small Things
- Finding good deals on things you premeditated to buy.
- XanGo newest product to launch in just under a month, tentatively named X5109 or CHANEL’S HAPPY PILLS.
- Having a dentist compliment your mouth, teeth and dental hygiene.
- Finding out your fears are indeed true – I mean, it sucks to find out you need like a bajillion needles in your mouth so they can pull out three teeth and drill three more teeth, but there is something oddly satisfying about knowing the little breakdown you had over possible wisdom teeth extraction a month before you even knew you had wisdom teeth wasn’t for nothing.
- Non painful dental cleaning, and relatively fun dental visit!
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 125: Grace In Small Things
- The way America can be so soothing after one of the most stressful moments of my life.
- Feeling stylish in things you picked out and put together yourself.
- Fun border patrol officers.
- 10 minutes to shop in Target, yet coming out with one of the most amazing dresses I’ve ever bought for under 20 USD. Talk about meant to be!
- Cheesecake Factory with mom and Merissa.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 124: Grace In Small Things
- Going out to eat with the family.
- Anything that involves zucchini, basically.
- The movie “Yes Man”—I didn’t really think it was going to be that good judging by the trailer (although, as my dad pointed out, has Jim Carey ever made a bad movie?) but it ended up being one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Inspirational, hilarious, AND romantic. Didn’t think that combination was possible!
- Chocolate fondue.
- Watching the sun set from one of the highest points in Vancouver.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 123: Grace In Small Things
- Earl Grey infused vanilla pudding.
- Fresh mangos.
- When people compliment me on my choice of outfits.
- Zillion and Sarah’s fundraiser. (An evening of showdances (by them), general dancing and refreshments!)
- Being remembered.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 122: Grace In Small Things
- Helping auntie make her “great escape” from the hospital.
- Channa puri + chai tea.
- Grocery shopping in Whole Foods – the best kind of shopping, ever.
- Raw milk cheese. Best tasting cheese in the world.
- Miracles.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 121: Grace In Small Things
- Meeting the best friend for dinner at Don Guacamole’s after work.
- A public restroom horror story that kept me laugh-crying for blocks.
- A day that starts out with a nervous breakdown and ends up being the most productive day in weeks.
- Vegetarian sushi with sauteed tofu. DELICIOUSSS.
- “You know what it is? There isn’t enough suffering for you. That’s why you’re not going for [redacted].”
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 120: Grace In Small Things
- Getting a whole bunch of new clothing from the best friend (who doesn’t want them anymore, or never wore them to begin with, because she’s crazy/awesome like that).
- Modeling/photographing mock American Apparel
- Seeing the best friend.
- Knee-high socks with shorts and sneakers! Eep.
- Great conversations with good friends.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Sharp little words
A couple days ago, someone said something to me that crawled under my skin and stayed there.
They called me a bitch.
It was in passing, a flippant comment probably in reference to the way I had handled a situation I was describing at the time the comment was made, but it still stuck with me nonetheless. I have never been called a bitch to my face before, and the idea that I could possibly be something so hurtful nagged me all weekend long.
I would never, could never, want to hurt anyone. But when that person called me a bitch and followed it up with several other somewhat carelessly thought out comments, they hurt me. There. I said it outloud. It hurt.
This incident got me thinking about the things I say and the way I am to other people. The person who made that comment probably didn’t think too much of what they said, but it certainly affected me. Is it possible that I have said and could say things to people in my life that could have the same effect on them? Absolutely.
It’s terrifying.
I love to read celebrity gossip blogs; a lot of people do. But have you ever stopped to read the comments? Some of them are positively heartbreaking—or would be, if I were the person those commentors were ripping to shreds.
Day 119: Grace In Small Things
- Seeing my cousin for the first time in several years.
- Bonding with family you don’t see often.
- Making dinner for the family and eating it on the patio to the background music of an old 1940 record.
- Learning to let go of some of the things people say about you.
- 5 cent candy and Cadbury chocolate.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 118: Grace In Small Things
- The rare friend who is actually there for you when you need them, and always knows exactly what to say to shake you from your “moods”.
- In a very Charlotte moment, having said awesome friend plot ways to set you up with “the perfect guy” he just thought of for you.
- People who are honest with you, actually honest with you, when you need them to be perfectly honest with you.
- Glimpse meeting at Ron and Maggie’s. “One means one, two means two, three means three…”
- Going out for dinner afterwards with the other best friend, overhearing a loud, sobbing breakup.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 117: Grace In Small Things
- SPEEDBOATING ON THE OKANAGAN LAKE! <3
- Listening to music while speedboating.
- Getting a tan without feeling like you’ve been in the sun.
- Alone time with the best friend.
- Getting home safely.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 116: Grace In Small Things
- Waking up at 8:30AM to beautiful sunshine filtering through the windows and six other people still sleeping.
- Early morning showers.
- Preparing food for later that day while listening to music.
- More back massages and hand massages.
- Things you haven’t experienced in approximately, um, 4 years?
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 115: Grace In Small Things
- Back massages.
- Seven people sleepovers.
- Walking in the evening around the neighborhood together with my other “family” (the best friend’s family).
- Closeness.
- The fulfilling feeling of bonding over insults.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 114: Grace In Small Things
- The fun of picking out outfits for events on a vacation.
- Music to keep me company on the 4 hour drive to Kelowna.
- Seeing the best friend for the first time in several months! <3
- … And hitting things off right away by pranking her.
- Taking photos in a beautiful golf course.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 113: Grace In Small Things
- Dressing (and feeling) sophisticated.
- Having a fabulous hair day.
- Best friends who make you laugh outrageously and give you tons of stuff to put on tumblr.
- Excellent conversation.
- Becoming so overwhelmed with the power and love of God, as demonstrated by the miraculous things he’s done in my aunt’s life. Truly, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this before.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 112: Grace In Small Things
- Watching my aunt get better and better, a miracle itself.
- The view from the top of Vancouver General Hospital, on the 16th floor terrace.
- Playing football on the 4th floor terrace.
- Dad inventing the “catch and release” phrase, referring to when someone catches/touches the football but it slips out of their hand anyways.
- Dinner on the deck at IKEA and chocolate ice cream at Costco. We’re classy.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 111: Grace In Small Things
- The power of google for researching medical conditions, procedures, treatments and especially, alternative treatments.
- Having connections to get not-yet-approved-in-Canada supplements.
- Having those supplements make a huge difference within the span of, oh, an hour?
- Having an inside joke with my aunt – “the halla lady” – that sends us into fits of laughter whenever the lady in the next room
- Becoming some overwhelmed by the love I’ve developed for a person I barely ever saw a years ago.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 110: Grace In Small Things
- Seeing even more family.
- Having only my wallet lost or stolen. (Could have been my iPhone, which would have been 10x more devastating – a lesson to all, and especially a lesson to me!)
- Talking about accents and differences in pronunciation. One of my favorite topics of conversation, no joke.
- A weird, full red moon.
- Things to take your mind off things.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 109: Grace In Small Things
- My aunt’s precarious health making a 360 turnaround.
- Watching a true miracle unfold right before your eyes.
- Seeing more family I haven’t see in ages.
- Understanding why some people make me feel so awful after I hang around with them – understated friction.
- Brother sister bonding time: tossing the football back and forth.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 108: Grace In Small Things
- The power of a small praying army of people who all love each other and the person they are praying for.
- Endoscopies.
- The cocktails of modern medicine that can keep a person alive, all on its own.
- Seeing family you haven’t seen in ages, even if it isn’t under the best of circumstances.
- The sweet rapture of sleep after staying up for 24+ hours straight.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Moroccan tomato stew over couscous
This tomato stew has been a surprising hit from first time I’ve made it (with meat eaters, vegetarians, vegans and vegetable haters alike!), but what makes it truly amazing is just how easy it is to make. You don’t even need to measure things – just throw ingredients in (keeping in mind proportions, eg. water to solid ingredients, seasoning to volume) and simmer over low heat, or even boil over high heat if you’re in a rush to eat it. That simple.
This recipe is a switchup of my current favorite recipe, tomato stew. To switch it up, I make it the exact same way but add less water to give a slightly thicker consistency so it’s more of a sauce and less of a soup, to be served over a bed of couscous.
Day 107: Grace In Small Things
- Talking to old friends.
- Finding things out about people who used to be in your life.
- Feeling comfortable on the phone.
- Storm brewing nights that match what’s going on in your life.
- Having a chance – a window frame of one to two minutes tops – to make things right again, if only for your own conscious.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Chanel attempts house cleaning, learns the difference between first and second degree burns
Funny story…
The other day, I was cleaning the house. (This was my first mistake, and within the next couple minutes you’ll see why—but if it becomes too tl;dr, know this: CLEANING IS HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.)
I was mopping the floor, actually. With a steam mop. Did you know steam mops can get pretty hot, even after they’re off? I don’t recommend you try to touch a steam mop to see if that’s true though, unless you want to end up with something like THIS:
Day 106: Grace In Small Things
- Wearing a top I’ve had in my closet for over a year and getting tons of compliments on it – definitely a new regular in my summer wardrobe now!
- People who ignore you because they know it will be awkward to talk to you. Thank you. (I probably couldn’t do it, myself.)
- Feeling creative enough to write something relatively funny.
- Making these GiST lists. They remind me of all the things good in my life, even if its hard to come up with a list some days.
- Great friends.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Day 105: Grace In Small Things
- Meeting a lovely woman named Angel on my way downtown because the skytrain system totally died for about 2 hours and everyone had to find an alternate route to get to where they were going.
- Being told I’m a good girl. Some girls would hate this, but I never want to be told the opposite.
- Being downtown in the summer. Brings back such great memories, particularly of Robson Square.
- Being by the ocean at sunset.
- Walking around downtown with the best friend.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
Things that scare me
- Fish.
- Deep water.
- Things that live in deep water.
- Killer whales.
- Pool fish.
- The fact that today is the first of June.
Where does the time go?
Day 104: Grace In Small Things
- Making people think.
- Getting a point across.
- Someone being proud of me.
- Having it be so hot at night you need to break out the fan.
- Conference calls.
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.