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• Standing in a circle of people from my past, realizing how they have remained exactly the same while others (myself included) have changed radically.
• Having a fun evening of sitting around with friends and just talking about random things.
• Developing those little things – those inside jokes and things of small significance – with acquaintances who are quickly becoming friends.
• Running into two underage drunks (one of which… knew my name? even though I didn’t even recognize him) and a guy who wanted to start a fight with another guy.
• Understanding the subtle shift in how I relate to most people my age – I used to backtrack my maturity to feel young and carefree (like them), but lately, my mindset is changing less and less between people groups and social circles.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Figuring out the next part of the song that going to take me six years to learn how to play.
• Going boating for the first time this summer.
• Waketubing in the lake again.
• Falling off the waketube going ~40KM/hr and not dying of a panic attack by the sheer fact that I was floating in the middle of a large lake by myself, vulnerable to fish attacks.
• Willingly being out in the middle of the lake, in the water, over and over again, and… not hating it.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Playing go fish with Christian and the other best friend, and ganging up on him and stealing his cards (which, of course, makes for a fun time!)
• Going up on Youth Hill after nightfall to watch the volleyball game and be social, and actually managing to be social with ease.
• Being mistaken for sisters, over and over again, with the other best friend.
• Meeting new people.
• Reminiscing about the old summers in Hope with friends.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Developing a daily routine of going up to the upper room in the Lodge and playing the grand piano in the mid-afternoon.
• Siting and talking about everything from school to “what would you do if..” situations with the other best friend in my air conditioned trailer.
• Learning how to deal with 41°C heat.
• Ice cold lemonade.
• Watching Freaky Friday with the other best friend.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Go fish.
• Bonding over a shared love for piano music with a dear older lady who ended up playing the La Valse d’Amelie so I could hear what it would sound like in six years when I’m able to play it through and through.
• Learning to be direct, honest, and not shy away from confrontational-type situations.
• My extremely cute first born son who becomes even cuter by diving into closets and sleeping with just his head peeking out.
• The feeling of being at ease and able to breathe for the first time.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Geeky morning routines.
• Not having to walk all over the massive grounds for once.
• Having 39GB freed up on my hard drive.
• Jonathan Henderson’s awesome way of presenting a message.
• Winning 3 am card games.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• The confident walk.
• Afternoon naps.
• Seeing old friends.
• Dutch blitz and Egyptian Rat Screw.
• When two circles merge and chaos doesn’t erupt.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

I recently mentioned that I will be starting an ongoing, multi-part series on here entitled “on growing up”. Before I actually begin this series, I wanted to give a bit of background information on what it’ll be about and why I’m writing it in the first place.

Any person at any given stage in their life is both and young and old, depending on who you talk to. To some people, I am still ridiculously young, with my whole life ahead of me. To others, I’m old, with more years than they’ve been alive behind me. However, for as long as I have more years before me than behind me, I still have growing up to do.

Socrates once said, “the unexamined life is not worth living”. I’m inclined to agree. Periodically, I like to look back on my life and examine my actions, my behavior, my mentality, my rationale… and analyze all of it. I find there is so much to be learned from the life I’ve lived already—and, after all is said and done, those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

This series will be a public look into this analytical process. I think it will be interesting (for me, at least) to document the growing up I’ve done so far, and the growing up I am doing on a daily basis during this pivotal time in my life. At the very least, it will be here in a year, two, five… and looking back on it will be like reading the story of my life.

I’ve chosen to share this with you as an exercise in “stepping out”. It will take vulnerability and honesty for me to do this, but ultimately, if there is even one person who can relate to the same things I went through and same challenges I faced, it will be more than worth it. After all, the human experience was meant to be shared.

• The awesome feeling of pulling out of home after hours of packing your van to the gills.
• The terribly exciting feeling of “the beginning” when something is just starting.
• Depositing commission cheques. I don’t think I can ever get tired of that!
• Setting up two tents in a torrential downpour complete with thunder & lightning.
• Comfortable beds when you’re not in your own.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Packing for my retreat to the wilderness, aka Hope B.C. for 10 days.
• Finally getting around to de-virusing the last remaining (working) PC in our house. Darling Macbook Pro, have I told you how much I love you lately?
• Sending and replying to a massive amount of important emails.
• Getting to hear Doug Wead speak in person.
• Having my first ride on a motorcycle and not dying.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Wandering downtown by myself.
• Feeling vibrant and excited.
• Meeting up with the other best friend & her family for the big fireworks celebration.
• Crowds and fast-moving but long-winded lineups.
• Meeting non-creepy, nice people on public transit.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Waking up at 8am and feeling like you’ve “slept in”.
• Learning how to balance the highs and lows of an extreme personality.
• Having a love for schoolwork again.
• Using Facebook along with productivity, not against it.
• Making up for the time I’m going to lose on vacation soon.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Getting your priorities straight.
• Keeping a journal of strictly how I feel from day to day – a clinically honest way to track my emotional development and make connections between the things that happen during that day, outside factors (including how much sleep I got the previous night), and the things I learn.
• Waking up at 5am. Without an alarm clock.
• The launch of X5109!
• Getting to experience a day gone right.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Moments where you realize things that are pivotal to your future.
• Things that make me jump out of bed ready to go, in a good way.
• Getting a massive amount of monumental work done despite feeling very “under the weather”, which is amazing because I have trouble getting things done when I’m feeling good, never mind when I’m not!
• Becoming your own therapist.
• Going to bed early.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Discovering the amazing soundtrack to the movie Amelie (which I haven’t seen—yet), and learning to play La Valse d’Amélie from the movie, which is an absolutely beautiful song.
• Spending a good hour, maybe two, at the piano. Just me and the piano.
• Napping in the dying afternoon sun for two hours. (I am terribly underslept, or else I wouldn’t/couldn’t nap during the day.)
• Caramelized onions.
• Watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which, by the way, was a FABULOUS movie … the dark humor, the oompa loopas song every time a kid went missing… LOVED it!) on a gigantic screen at the park by my house with my family. Will there be a Fresh Air Cinema by your house?

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Friendly border officers.
• Grocery shopping in America.
• Homeopathic medicine to soothe & shorten the duration of sore throats (what I have right now), cough, congestion and sinus infections.
• Fudgsicles & fresh fruit: blackberries, cherries, strawberries and blueberries.
• Eating dinner as a family on the patio on a warm summer night with old records playing in the background.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Getting a call from The Best Friend Who Just Recently Moved Across The Country, and realizing that… it isn’t so bad.
• Feeling “the college urge” … something I haven’t felt in several years.
• Being used as a class demonstration of how to execute a figure in Standard technique class.
• Day two of Operation: Become A People Person, and having it feel almost natural almost instantly.
• Innocent banter that takes years off your soul.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Cute bank tellers.
• Adorable children who don’t make you feel totally uncomfortable when you’re around them.
• When people compliment me on my abilities, rather than superficial things (although, when sincere and not rife with ulterior motive, compliments on superficial things can be nice too!)
• Operation: become a people person, day one. (Some people noticed a difference instantly!)
• Rereading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell – I love his work, and the way he presents his writing.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Being tired enough to be able to nap during the day.
• Getting so excited about something while someone is talking that you get started on it before they even finish.
• Making lists, and realizing that sometimes, those lists mean your future.
• Having productive breakdowns, complete with crying. Sometimes its necessary for starting new.
• Walking home in the dark late at night. I always seem to see things clearer after a walk, especially a walk in the dark.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Watching Bruno with the lovely Kaiti. What a movie!
• Playing the piano to a room of maybe 20-30 kids and adults who aren’t really playing attention. Its like having an audience, but without the pressure.
• Playing the cooking teacher to three groups of 4-6 kids.
• Bagel sandwiches.
• Having something to continually munch on during a movie.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Managing to use the steam mop again without endangering my health.
• Conquering the unimaginable mess that (was) the kitchen table turned “this-is-where-you-sort-stuff-out” place.
• Putting the final touches on the new design.
• Falling in love with old music all over again.
• Taking time to start the day right.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

Version 11 of CHNL by Chanel brings along with it some of the suggestions from the previous redesign, but with a totally different look.

Notable changes:

• The about page has been rewritten (and includes a new photo).
• New subpages added: cast of characters, random facts about me.
• Width is now 950px, making it viewable on all of your lovely 1024px screens!
• White background for the content area, but darker backgrounds for everything else.
• The inclusion of yellow. I generally shy away from color, but this yellow was chose for three reasons: 1) to lighten up the greys, 2) for the theme of the design (see below), and 3) to give everything a more modern feel.
• Heavier on images; namely, the scratched metal background.

About the design itself:

There is a lot of symbolism going on here. The yellow/grey/black color scheme (along with the arrows in the logo background) is supposed to be reminiscent of construction, hence the name for this design, “work in progress”.

The background is supposed to look something like scratched metal, something also associated with construction.

About the theme name
Life itself is always a work in progress; when we stop growing, we die. Because I often think of this website as an online representation of me and my life, it also refers to the fact that many things in my life right now are a work in progress.

Also following with the theme of this design, keep an eye out for a multi-part series coming soon entitled “on growing up”!

Now its your turn:

What do you think of this new look? Any comments/concerns/suggestions?

• Surviving an extremely sleepy day without napping.
• Realizing that I will have to move on with life—and move away from the idea that I’m still mentally 16—sometime soon.
• Understanding how to control change
• “I love you… I would do anything for you! Let me buy you a ring! I’m going to rehab for you! I can’t take my eyes off of you!” … Attracting the attention of a (drunk) homeless guy, and then being hugged & having my hand kissed by him. How is this a grace in small things? Perhaps the fact that I wasn’t really panicked or terribly disturbed by it.
• Going to bed without the laptop or the iPhone being by my bed, the significance of which is huge but hard to explain in any other way other than: I’m going to bed early, and going to wake up when I’m ready to wake up.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Discovering a new recipe for absolutely delicious homemade pasta sauce by accident because I ran out of pasta sauce for my lasagna.
• Blue Sky Cola in a wine class. So classy.
• Tom, Cynthia and Frank’s going away party in the gorgeous backyard. It was lovely to see everyone, but I am going to miss them and their beautiful house. (Although, now I have an(other) excuse to go to LA!)
• Talking about what celebrities are really like and other co-star gossip (Cynthia is an actress) on their extremely comfortable dial-a-sleep-number bed.
• The way saying goodbye is more like, see you soon! when people have the time freedom to travel whenever and (for the most part) the money to be able to do so.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Early phone calls with business partners that get you out of bed at a decent hour.
• “Wow, you’re wearing barely any makeup!” CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK—having Heather, Brandon and a camera lens all about 5 inches away from my face.
• Seeing the whole Ruiz family again, this time in countryland, Ferdale, WA.
• Real chai tea from a real East Indian restaurant. The stuff from Starbucks or any other white man’s coffee shop doesn’t even come close to what it tastes like.
• Being a true CSI detective and figuring out one of the main ingredients in X5109—before anyone who didn’t sign the non-disclosure agreement is allowed to know.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

Last night, a friend spotted this on the internet and took a screencap for me:

Its a pretty well documented fact that the Stumble! button on my toolbar is my biggest addiction. Last night, I got (15 minutes of) famous for it.

In case you’re staring blankly at this picture going, StumbleUpon? What’s that?, here is the best explanation I can give you: It’s like channel surfing – for the internet. (And in cast you’re staring blankly at this picture going, I don’t see how this made her famous, look at the bottom right corner, under “recent stumblers”)

The conversation that followed:

Ula: how often does that happen?
Chanel: I have no idea
Chanel: guess that just proves my addiction :P
Ula: yeah, i guess it could prove that
Ula: … or how addicted I am that I have to check it before bed

So who’s with us? Are you addicted to StumbleUpon, and if not—well, why not?

• Vacuuming under my bed. Talk about getting things done!
• Making important phone calls.
• Doing much-needed-to-be-done laundry.
• Learning, if only the hard way, that things need to be done right away and not left for “later”—because with my memory, there is no later.
• Wearing dance shoes again.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything that quite fits in the category of the Aye-Aye or the molting Circada. Do you miss my posts in the strange and shocking? If so, you’re about to seriously regret feeling that way.

In fact, as I write this I’m trying to hold back the urge to vomit. I may have exaggerated in the past, and I know people say, oh, that makes me want to barf! all the time without meaning it literally, but THIS ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO BARF.

Don’t believe me? Maybe this will convince you: I even had to keep the following images tucked safely under the “read more” link on this blog’s homepage because I wouldn’t be able to visit my own site if I didn’t.

Are you ready? Really? Yes?

I’m not going to lie—I don’t think you’re ever ready to see what I’m about to show you, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Continue Reading →

• Finishing something that’s been like a dead weight around my neck for… three years?
• Rainy weather in the summer. Even though summer hasn’t even really started for me yet, I’m not going to lie – I’m looking forward to September!
• Getting back in touch with all the people I’ve been ignoring.
• Having great friends who also happen to get along with each other.
• Using the influence on has on other people for good, not bad.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Having the ability to look at things and situations strategically and determine the best move (often a loophole or the creative use of something else) in the interests of the party I’m representing.
• Grocery shopping in Superstore. Definitely bigger, louder, busier and dirty than my favorite grocery shopping places (the Extra Foods by my house, Whole Foods, Capers) but therapeutic nonetheless. I love grocery shopping!
• Seeing the best friend of the last time before she flies out to Montreal (tomorrow morning).
• Making Christmas dinner… in July. Mmm, stuffing & gravy!
• Learning to rely on nobody else for happiness but yourself and God.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

As I was sorting through photos the other day, I came across some that were taken on Father’s day that I had totally forgotten about. My mother took most of these photos while we weren’t paying attention, so it really shows what we’re like on a day to day basis, e.g., a collective base of immaturity.

It’s so awesome how well we get along.

Continue Reading →

• Waking up at 8:45AM after going to bed at 4:30AM and coming home WHEN THE SUN WAS ALREADY COMING UP, and somehow managing not to die from the lack of sleep.
• Seeing another aunt. She said, “you have no idea what seeing you guys means to me”, which both broke my heart and made my day.
• Family lunch at IKEA, followed by a walk around the store and shopping.
• The cute guy wearing the Festival D’ete t-shirt who kept glancing at me and smiling.
• Feeling like a normal, joking, laughing, carefree family unit.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Pool party + BBQ at Ron and Maggie’s.
• Homemade strawberry pie with fresh strawberries and whipping cream.
• “So who is your friend?” “[redacted]” “Is he your boyfriend?” “Hahahaha, no.” “Why is that funny?” “Its funny because its not like that. We’re friends. Our families are friends.” “So you’re family?” “No. Friends.” — me and Marissa’s conversation with the border officer when we tried to cross the border.
• American fireworks. If they weren’t so happy, it would like the apocalypse.
• Seeing Brandon and his family.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Feeling hot—literally, too.
• Spending the day working outside on the patio in a bikini because its so hot.
• Mexican food in America.
• “The look”
• Fridays.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Getting asked if I play soccer because of what I’m wearing. Themed outfit #1: success! (It was knee-high American Apparel socks, my beloved Asics running shoes, grey track shorts and a loose blue t-shirt.)
• Taking public transit. I don’t care if this is repeated over and over again in my GiSTs, but I absolutely adore it. The more I take it, the more I like it.
• Spending some time with my aunt.
• Watching cake shows on the food network. I looooove cake shows. They make me want to be a baker so badly!
• Being able to see the reality of people clearly, even if you have feelings that normally biased your views.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.

• Going for a walk with the family in the warm (yet breezy!) evening.
• Playing moving football as we’re walking.
• Dinner at the naam with Merissa.
• Snuggling under a blanket at the Canada Day fireworks with Merissa.
• Returning back to the Naam for cake and getting served by the same server.

Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.