My dad (the very same one who wanted me to tell my readers he was “dead, or something”) has always preferred to have fish as pets over any other animal. Don’t ask me why. Personally, I prefer to have pets that won’t be assisting the devil in eradicating the human race during the apocalypse, but that’s just me.
A couple weeks ago, my dad’s outdoor fishpond was raided. He had about eight fat, orange goldfish in it. One morning, he woke up to check on his pond, only to find the headless bodies of every single one of his goldfish strewn all across our patio.
That’s right. HEADLESS GOLDFISH. ALL OVER OUR PATIO.
Are you reading this before bed? So sorry. Maybe you should listen to this instead:
In case you’re wondering, the only reason I’m here writing instead of sitting in therapy right now is because I didn’t actually see these headless goldfish at the time. Unfortunately, my dad missed one headless goldfish which had fallen behind the pool, and I had the great misfortune of noticing it when I went outside with my tray of grapefruit a week later.
(Needless to say, I couldn’t finish that tray of goldfish-colored fruit.)
We know for a fact that raccoons were responsible for this mass murder. Specifically, the two raccoons who are always in our yard at inappropriate times, driving our dog nuts just as we’re about to enter the deepest level of sleep around 4 a.m.
Have you ever wanted to see the face of a mass murderer? Here you go:
Look, don’t be fooled by their big eyes, chocolate button nose, long whiskers and teeny paws. Raccoons are cute, but they’re also jerks. They have no sense of decency. Who steals someone’s pets, noms off their heads and leaves the rest behind for the pet owner to dispose of? RACCOONS, THAT’S WHO. Heartless wankers.
Among my many talents, I can also speak Raccoon. Here’s what transpired between the three of us while I was busy taking photos of them…
- Getting a good, early start to the day.
- Falling in love with Evgeni Plushenko because of this. SO MANY LEVELS OF AWESOME.
- Figure skating drama. Love it.
- HOCKEY. Oh my god, I have gone from having zero interest to being riveted by it in the span of one game!
- Finishing my Grace In Small Things project! It’s done!
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
- Pushing myself & doing something outside of my comfort zone by joining the Learn To Run Faster group instead of the Learn To Run group in the SunRun inTraining. This means nonstop running instead of running + walking in my training. Today = 44 minutes nonstop. Insanity!
- Back to back labs. Feels good to get them over with.
- Having a near meltdown over approaching exams (and not having enough time to be prepared for them), and responding by clearing my head, approaching the calendar once again to calculate that I’ll actually have just enough time. Thank you God!
- Having friends that share my school panic and actually care enough to converse for over an hour about our respective directions in university study (or lack thereof).
- The walk of shame to buy a chocolate bar after a run. I literally went out of my way to avoid running into another member of my run group on my way home with my stash. It’s like I’m a relapsing drug addict or something! hehe
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
