Mac users are lonely people
“I walked into Starbucks and they. were. everywhere.”
“They who?”
“The macs. Everyone was on a mac.”
Snorts. “They all had Macs?”
“Every single one. Their little apples were glowing and everything.”
“No Windows? Anywhere?”
“Well there was one blue-glowing Dell in the far corner…”
“But how can that be?!”
“They’re lonely people, those Mac users.”
“I hope you don’t turn out lonely.”
“Thanks, dad. Thanks.”
Grab your ice skates, Hell is about to freeze over.
So my laptop finally cracked - literally.
First the left hinge rivet snapped clean. Two weeks later, the right rivet snapped clean. Now my screen doesn’t stand up by itself. As my friend Brandon so aptly put it, “Your laptop had a stroke. Now you own a paraplegic laptop.”
But like being handicapped in any way (like say, HAVING NO LAPTOP, which might happen if don’t stop abusing my current one, who’s screen is hanging by wires), this is no laughing matter. In fact, this is bad. Really bad. Enormously bad. Gigantically bad. Colossally bad.
As a result, I feel this all might be a sign from God - A sign that it’s time to come out of the closet. Whether I was actually even in the closet is debatable, but according to Tom, I’ve been hiding in there for years, only to come out ever once in awhile to touch his shiny new Apple toys.
It might be true. Maybe.
Regardless, I think it might be time to make the switch. I’ve had my beloved Windows laptop for years and we’ve been through a lot; 1 pair of hinges, two internal hard drivers, and three A/C adapters, not to mention the brutal murder of its sidekick, the external hard drive.)
It’s time for me to move on. I’m sorry, baby.
It was easy to fight against flaming mactards back when their OS really was a piece of shit. But as of lately (read: two years, give or take), it’s all become fairly level playing field. Plus, on a Mac, I can run Leopard and XP simultaneously on the same machine, and avoid Vista altogether!
Whatever happens though, you have my solemn promise: I will NOT become one of those yappy mac lovers who can’t STFU. Or a mindless, talentless, pseudo-artsy flaming Mactard.
All in all, I’ve been giving the 15″ Macbook Pro a lot of thought lately. In fact, the only really big switching problem I can think of should be fairly obvious to any Windows user who has ever used a mac: THE WORLD MIGHT JUST EXPLODE WITHOUT THE CHOICE OF A SECOND MOUSE BUTTON.
Content quality, advertising, and a lesson from Dooce®
If you’re even an inkling aware of what’s happening on the internet, you should know that making money with your website—not your company’s—is vastly becoming a huge thing. Ten years ago, pretty much nobody knew what a blog was. The same cannot be said today. Between the large availability of blogs (think blogger, livejournal, myspace blogs, etc.) and the rising spotlight on them (think celebrity bloggers, Fortune 500 companies, etc.), it seems that these days everyone and their cat has one.
So what about making money on your personal website?
If you’re anything like me, when you think about making money on a blog where you write about your personal life, you automatically think Google ads or Pay Per Posts. It is a general consensus among most blog circles I frequent that “those kinds of things” on personal websites are undesirable.
However, of those asked about their feelings towards advertisements, many of them used Dooce.com as an example of a personal website with ads that they didn’t mind. Curious, because as popular as Dooce.com may be, it is still a “personal” website. So what makes hers any different from Joe Regular’s?
I came, I saw, I talked on the phone
This just in: Contrary to what you might believe, talking on the phone will not kill you.
Me and the phone have a hate/hate relationship. You see, I’ve always avoided talking on the phone with most (read: 99.9%) people. It’s awkward and weird. You can’t see the person’s expressions. There are uncomfortable pauses. You might run out of things to say. I also get somewhat nervous when I’m about to call someone, especially if I have no particular reason for doing so (i.e. “just for a chat”).
I can make conversation in real life, but on the phone? No. Because chats about the weather don’t go over as well when the other person isn’t in the same vicinity as you.
“Lovely weather today, eh?”
“… Did you call me just to say that?”
So maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. I can make conversation over the phone, but it’s usually forced and my brain is always in “must think about what I’m going to say next” mode. I’ve even written down lists of possible conversational material before calling someone. Yes, a list of possible conversation material. Always prepared for the worst, I am.
However, as of lately, it’s become apparent that my fear of talking on the phone is holding me back. My occupation requires lots of phone calls, and my network’s growth has been somewhat hindered (though I have tried my best to delegate the task of phone conversations off to my mother) because of it. Simply put? I need to get over it. It’s a “suck it up, princess!” fear.
I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t like talking on the phone. Why is that? I mean, really… What makes it so different from talking to people “in person”, face to face (don’t even get me started on webcams - that’s for a whole other entry), or over IM?
Of course, being the ever-prepared person I am, I’ve already developed a plan of action to conquer and dominate this irrational sillyness head on. I’m going to force-dive myself into this phone business and bring out my list of people I should have called months ago. Clients. Friends. Clients. Clients. Clients. Dear god. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger!
This stepping out of your comfort zone stuff ain’t easy, but it isn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve already started on The Plan and called a few clients. Surprisingly, the world did not stop spinning and my head did not explode. It went well. Very well, actually, and the fact that I survived the experience to blog about it says it all. I’m alive, aren’t I?
Assets and Liabilities
Last month on Craigslist.com, someone who described herself as a “spectacularly beautiful” 25-year-old placed a personal ad seeking a husband who made at least $500,000 a year, because “$250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West.”
As her post hit the blogs, it received a scathing response from a man who said he fit her description and told her that her proposition was a bad business deal. “In economic terms, you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset,” he wrote, because “your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity.”
(Taken from the New York Times)
Her Ad: What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200- 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms
- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
His Response:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
Can you say ‘owned‘?
I love his rather useful suggestion towards the end of the reply: “By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.” Wise words well spoken.
Actually, if you really look at her “proposition”, she isn’t merely just a depreciating asset; she’s a liability. Not all people agree with this, but author Robert Kiyosaki redefined the definition of assets and liabilities in his book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, stating that “assets are anything that generate money … liabilities are anything that consume money.”
Gold-diggers? Definitely liabilities.
Let this serve as a stellar exemplary warning to all gold-diggers and women wanting to marry for money—they’re getting smarter. Just so you know.
Hi. My name is Chanel, and I abuse hard drives.
Let me tell you a story tragedy.
Once upon a time there was a girl who had a portable external hard drive. It was her back up hard drive, because previous to it, she had been foolish enough to almost loose her data TWICE when her laptop’s hard drives failed (and were replaced) twice on two separate occasions.
One day, this girl was watching an episode of my wife and kids, happily laughing along. Without realizing it, she placed her elbow on the small portable external hard drive, and placed some of her weight on it as she leaned over to get something. The TV show, which was playing from the external drive, froze. Then the drive made a “click” sound. She immediately unplugged the drive and then plugged it back in, only to find that the drive did not start spinning, but instead emitted a series of very scary warning beeps.
She has now fallen into deep depression as this back up drive contained all her travelling photos from Europe, Egypt and Israel as well as numerous other very important data.
I’m calling WeRecoverData.com tomorrow and getting a free quote to evaluate the damage, all whilst praying the quote isn’t above $500. How could I have been so stupid? I hate the feeling of utter helplessness I have over hardware problems. I can usually fix software issues, but when it comes to hardware issues, I’m screwed. I know nothing. I’m just the silly girl who was stupid enough to PUT HER WEIGHT ON A SMALL PLASTIC BOX CONTAINING HER LIFE.
I was discussing this situation with my mother today and she suggested I take a class on hardware repair so that I can fix (or at least know what to do) when it comes to situations like this. I think I just might. I am so angry at both myself and just the world in general (hehe, emo!) for the simple fact that HARD DRIVE PROBLEMS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME.
Not only that, but technology hates me. It really does. Why just the other day month, the UV Glass Lens cover on my [very expensive] digital SLR shattered when my someone picked up the case not knowing the cover wasn’t zipped shut - my fault, of course. Needless to say, my camera DROPPED ON THE FLOOR and the protective lens shattered. However, while the lens and the camera itself was fine, the rim of the lens cover was bent in the drop and remained on the lens. Now, I can’t unscrew it because it’s bent and I can’t put the lens cap on my camera properly because the rim is bent. I’ve been meaning to figure out a way to get the rim off but I’ve just been so damn busy lately, barely leaving time to sleep, eat, and breath.
Three hard drives, destroyed? Check. Two A/C adapters overheated? Check. One portable external hard drive possibly destroyed? Check. Case in point? I should not be allowed to own anything expensive. They should lock me away in a cell far, far away from technology because I am the careless asshole who ruins everything.
Pray for my hard drive. Srsly.
A look at faux pas: The personal website scene, part I
Personal tastes differ. We all know this. The internet is no exception - everyone has personal preferences when it comes to web design and the content therein.
My web skillz0rs are by no means amazing. I’m not a professional at what I do, nor have I spent years (and money) in formal web design education and training. But like everyone, there is one thing I am entitled to that requires no formal education or training, and in this entry, I plan to voice it: my opinion.
I have seen a lot of websites that are hideous, both in the markup and in their aesthetic outward appearance. Much like people who can’t properly dress themselves, or like those who leave their house looking like they crawled out of a garbage can, I must ask the question everyone wonders on some level: Can they not see how ugly it looks?
The truth is, everyone starts somewhere. Hopefully they get a good start (i.e. not learning web design in this day and age by starting with iframes and tables) but even if they don’t, there’ll always been some smartass know-it-all who will be there to let them know when they’ve done wrong. Today that smartass know-it-all is me.
Offense #1: Large black serif font on a white background
There is a tasteful way to pull off black and whites together. This is not that way:
See this? This is hideous. Note the border. That is hideous too. Please don’t automatically assume that lots of contrast = good. There is a difference between making your font an appropriate size & color for all to read and going way overboard. Some people have yet to learn this.
(The specifics used for example 1: font: 15px georgia; color: #000; border: 1px solid #000; background: #fff; padding: 10px;)
Since this entry is all about my personal preferences, I’ll start this off with a head’s up: I like depth in a website. Flat designs can be awfully boring if you don’t know what you’re doing. Elements like shadows and color shading can make all the difference in a site. The difference between example 1 and example 1a is good proof of this. While example 1 looks flat and standard, example 1a and 1b provide more flair to the same block of text.
See this? Now this is much better. You can still read the text clearly and I haven’t changed the font size, but I’ve given it a “softer” look. It’s easier on the eyes.
(The specifics used for example 1a: font: 15px georgia; color: #333; border: 1px solid #ddd; background: #eee; padding: 10px;)
Even if you wish to keep your white background, there are still ways to soften and refine the look. In this example I’m still using the same font size and color as the above example, but I’ve made the background white. It is still easy to read, but unlike the original example, it is easy on the eyes.
(The specifics used for example 1b: font: 15px georgia; color: #333; border: 1px solid #ccc; background: #fff; padding: 10px;)
Offense #2: Clashing colors
Coming from the woman who once wore a red spandex shirt and a green terry zip hoodie together in the middle of July, when *I* of all people tell you something clashes, it clashes. Have no doubt. Purely for the sake of proving my point, I will provide you with some visual examples of colors that should never been within the same vicinity of each other:
Do your eyes hurt yet? If you’re even somewhat normal you should be seeing spots and feeling a slight inclination of a killer headache. It should come to as no surprise to any decent webdesigner then that if your design colors cause your viewers to experience pain, they will not return. End of story.
Offense #3: When your significant other hijacks your website
This is more of a huge pet peeve than anything else really, but it still deserves mentioning. I hate it when people go on and on about their boyfriend/girlfriend on their about pages - your about page is about YOU. Obviously your significant other may deserve mentioning in there, but he/she does not need a whole five paragraphs.
I understand you’re proud/happy/whatever and you wish to tell the world about your special relationship. This is fine. Creating a separate page for him or her is even okay by me. However, when you go on an on, making it appear as if you have no life outside your boyfriend, you make me want to empty my stomach contents in the nearest waste bin. Please stop. I realize I am not forced at gun point to read all of this and that it is your webspace and you may do with it what you wish, yadda yadda blah blah, but realize that by publishing it on the internet, you are expecting people to find it and read it. Unless you appropriately warn your readers ahead of time (”WARNING: MUSHYGUSHY SPILL AHEAD! PROCEED WITH CAUTION”), they are probably not going to see it coming.
This is my opinion: It’s tacky. I’m all for love and happiness, but like most things on an about page, I think your feelings for your loved one can be nicely summarized into one unmushy work-safe paragraph. At the very least you can mention him/her in your about page and link his/her name to a separate page where you may unleash your icky gushiness in full force - Just warn us poor unsuspecting readers beforehand.
Offense #4: Having “affiliates” - A word most teenybopper “designers” know not the meaning of, but use anyway.
I don’t like the concept of having affiliates. When I think of the term “affiliates”, I generally think of businesses and corporations - in other words, not your Britney Spears copyright infraction of layout.
This is how I see it: Affiliates on a personal website is tacky way of saying you’re “hits hungry”. It’s just not cool. If you want a popular site, having 57 affiliates is not the way to reach that goal. Read up on search engine optimization and lookup traffic boosting tips. Comment on popular blogs, link the ones you enjoy (you never know - they might return the favor), and join a forum or two and become a valued contributor to it. But whatever you do, don’t affiliate.
Offense #5: Pay Per Post-ing, badly-placed advertisements, and other obnoxious means of getting paid on your site
I truly, madly, deeply hate PPPs. They’re fake, obnoxious, and make me cringe. There is no sincerity in them. They break the flow of a personal blog. They’re horrible, and in my opinion, should have no place in a quality personal blog.
Working in the marketing industry only increases my strong dislike for PPPs. Ask anyone in the industry, and they will tell you that the one of the vital ingredients needed to effectively “sell” a product is passion. When you’re not passionate about what you do or what you sell, people can see it. Pay Per Post entries desperately lack the true passion, sincerity and enthusiasm that is needed to effectively get your message across. Of course, PPP bloggers don’t care about this, because after all, they’re just paid to babble about how great (more often than not) something is.
Other means of advertisement are almost as bad, but not quite. Google ads, when strategically placed on the sidebar and made to match the colors found on the site, are not completely horrible; they usually won’t hinder my overall reading experience, even though they’re not very visually appealing.
Text (or graphic) ads placed between blog entries or in the midst of content, however, is a major no-no in my books. They break up the flow of text and ideas rather harshly and really irritate me, sometimes to the point of forcing me to close the window and never return. Why must you do this? Are you obnoxious ads really not happy enough staying on the sidebar?
A personal website is, well, personal for a reason. Personally, I don’t think it shouldn’t be your place and source of income. Ads and PPPs just look ridiculous next to personal entries about your life adventures. It’s cheap and screams “I NEED MONEY SO BADLY I’M WHORING OUT MY SITE JUST TO GET SOME” - definitely a faux pas of the personal website scene.
Rebelling against Blog Day
I decided to be bad. It’s not quite often I do things against the explicit rules for no good reason—I’m a pretty good girl most of the time. This time, however, I decided that posting about five new blogs on August 31st like the greater part of the blogging community on the right day was just too vanilla for me. I’m celebrating Blog Day a day late. Rebellious, isn’t it? I know. I’m shocked too.
Antipatica
Meet Eina, a fellow blogger, Snarker, and Canadian to boot!
The Blog that Boredom Built
Meet Jordie, the childfree entertainer.
Ubiquitous
Meet Crystal, a fellow Vancouverite and aspiring dictator.
Alex the Girl
Meet Alex, the deliverer of warm fuzzies and girl at play.
Looky, Daddy!
Meet The Dad, stay at home dad and son to the founder of the three martini playdate.
In other web-related news, CHNL was accepted into Perfection, a design gallery for clean and unique sites with quality content. I was seriously thrilled when I heard the news. You know what this means, don’t you? It means I’m a couple links closer to world ahem, web domination.
Life is good. Srsly.
The Nigerian scam - in new packaging
In our line of business, we get to meet a lot of people. We sponsor life mastery seminars in both the US and Canada as well as health shows. Among the tons of people we meet at these events, “Ernie” was one of them. His real name is not Ernie Flipflop, but that’s what we’ll call him.
Ernie is neither American or Canadian, nor does he live in Continental America. He called us once at 1AM here (apparently he forgot about the eight hour time difference) and when I woke up to look at the caller ID it showed a long string of numbers and no name. And by ‘long string of numbers’ I really do mean a lot of numbers—like 15. Ernie is currently in Africa, and this is where this story begins.
Several nights ago the phone rang at something like 3 or 4 in the morning. I saw the caller ID and saw the 15 digit long string of numbers and ignored the call. My mother (whom the I presumed to be Ernie would be calling for) was working a night shift that night and therefore was not home.
Two days ago, my mother decided to call the number back. A woman answered, and this is how the conversation went:
Lady: Hello?
Mother: Hi, is Ernie there?
Lady: Who?
Mother: Ernie Flipflop?
Lady: Who?
Mother: Sorry, I think I may have the wrong number..
Lady: Just hold on a second.
{Silence while the lady hands the phone over to the man}
Man: Hello?
Mother: Ernie! It’s Renee from (company name here).
Man: ..Where?
Mother: {city here} at the {seminar name here}
Man: OOOOOOH, Renee!
My mother and this “Ernie” (whom she soon realizes is not the real Ernie, or the at least the Ernie she is looking for) start to talk. Whenever mother asks specific questions, like “how are you enjoying the juice?” he evades the question. She asked several specific questions he never answered, and that’s when she started realizing something very weird was up.
Then, the turning point: “My dear Renee… My late father just died.”
Now, if any of you have ever heard of the Nigerian scam or its spinoffs you will imediately know where this is going. But my dear mother had never heard of any Nigerian scam, nor did she know where this was going. After a couple minutes of conversation, Ernie asked if she would be “online” (meaning in her inbox) - She said yes, they hung up, and she sent him an email as he requested.
The email conversations are included below if you’re looking for a long, terribly written read. But in a nutshell, my mother has two phone numbers (he gave her different one than the one she had called back) of a scammer. She talked to one of them–on the phone!
If you do decide to read the emails below, keep an eye out for the following:
HOW TO SPOT A NIGERIAN SCAMMER, OR ITS SPINOFF:
1. BAD SPELLING AND GRAMMAR.
According to Sillicon.com’s special report on the Nigerian money scam this is a common factor in these scams. You’d think that after swindling the US alone of $100 million they’d learn to write in English properly, or at least try a bit harder. Geesh.2. THE “GOD” CARD, IF YOU USE IT FIRST.
Overused to the point where you want throw up.3. IDENTITY CRISIS.
A lack of consistancy in his various names.4. HOW HE CAN’T EVEN SPELL THE NAME OF THE PERSON HE IS IMPOSTERING RIGHT!
He goes from “Desire Adams” to “Enrie Desire Adams” to finally “Ernie.”
Now, on to the emails..
