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• When the roads look perfectly clear but all motorists are pulled to the side of the highway to put on chains, you should probably step out of your vehicle first, giving yourself a chance to slip and fall on the black ice BEFORE you pull up to a motorist and ask, “why are you putting on chains??”
• How to put on chains.
• How to check the oil in a car.
• How to replace windshield washer fluid.
• How to take off chains.
• How to dig your car out of three feet of snow.
• How to catch a runaway dog that’s less than two feet tall in three feet of snow.
• If you try the dangling-of-treats-in-front-of-camera approach to get the dog to pose for a Christmas photo to go in your Christmas cards, expect most of his expressions to look like he wants to eat you. And by the way, Merry Christmas!
• Boxing Day does not exist in America.
• Some Americans believe Boxing Day has something to do with boxing.
• You get better deals after Boxing Day.
• The day you decide to dress up like an anime doll (complete with high pigtails in Christmas scrunchies and furry boots, effectively de-aging you some 10+ years) to make your first video game purchase (DDR!), you will run into old friends and extended family who haven’t seen you in years. And to them, you haven’t aged a bit!
• Snow isn’t all that bad when you’re plowing through unchartered back roads with your little Corolla. The best part? Front wheel power (and no ability to get stuck, thank you snow chains!) and back wheel slippage.
• The best way to find some things is to stop looking. All summer you looked for the perfect pair of semi-dressy shorts to pair with neon leggings, dunks and suspenders. In the dead of winter, you find the perfect pair on the clearance rank for EIGHT DOLLARS, and you weren’t even looking.
• It’s really, really hard to cut through a frozen Tufurkey roll, even with The Knife That Cuts Through ANYTHING. Give up while you’re still a head (and ten fingers).

Well there you have it—further proof that learning can happen outside the classroom, even when school isn’t in session. Happy holidays everyone! Hope your Christmas vacation was just as educational.

• Answer more questions in “yes” or “no”; less “maybe”.
• Stop unnecessarily explaining yourself.
• Get your inboxes down to zero (currently: 1497 in gmail; over 2500+ in hotmail).
• Unsubscribe to all e-newsletters and “junk” email lists.
• Clean your desk, throw away unnecessary papers.
• Return emails and calls within 24 hours.
• Put every last stray file in your computer away where it belongs.
• Get things done when the come to your attention; not “later”.
• Tidy often instead of deep cleaning infrequently. It’s less work for you.
• Stop making excuses. Be honest about being a lazy ass.
• Make your workspace look like a workspace, and not a victim of hurricane.
• GET TO SLEEP BEFORE MIDNIGHT.

Alternatively titled, “Why Chanel could be end up a cynical spinster”.

• Doctor: Big ego, on a power trip, married to work.
• Lawyer: Will argue, likes to be right, married to work.
• Artist: Poor. Crazy. Over-the-top philosophical. Always looking for meaning in things. Will get into “inspirational” moods at any given moment. Work = Life, Life = Work.
• Musician: Poor. Cocky. Wishy-washy. Not too bright. TROUBLE.
• Writer: Poor. Sometimes emo. Possibly intellectual. Works if you’re a writer.
• Pilot: Cocky. Flirty. Girlfriend in every zip code.
• Recording label owner: Used to people falling at his feet. On a power trip.
• Contract killer: Cold. May have trouble expressing how he really feels.
• Psychiatrist: Good communication. Too rational and analytical. Possibly married to work. May assume he “understands” you when he really doesn’t.
• Entrepreneur: Always looking to start something. Next it could be a relationship with another woman, if it isn’t a new business venture with the next Donald Trump. Married to work, or poor and faking it.
• Hairdresser: Constantly surrounded by girls. Forms emotional bonds with girls who tell him their life story. Usually very talkative and outgoing (bad if you’re not).
• Professional Poker Player: Unstable. Gambles. Sleeps around. Will wear sunglasses indoors.
• Computer programmer: More interested in his computer(s) than you.
• Director: Good: Takes charge. Bad: May end up in charge of everything. Also: What happens On Location doesn’t “count”.
• Wal-mart greeter: Not terribly financially stable.
• Investor of any kind (stock market, real estate, etc.): Often very materialistic. Obsessed and/or attached to money. Cocky. Unstable.
• Used car salesman: Greasy hair. Sleezy. May have a lying problem.
• Fashion photographer: Sometimes sleezy. Flirty. Promiscuous. Around too many nearly-naked models. Possibly a modelizer.
• Househusband: Does all the cleaning and cooking. Also does all food shopping. Sleeps with any woman while wife is at work. (Thx, Roro!)
• Politician: Big ego. Likes power/possibly controlling. Never keeps promises. Tends to quit in bad situations. (Thx, Ann!)
• Journalist: Nosey. Can’t keep secrets. Loves to gossip. Never commits to a single relationship. (Thx, Ann!)
• Landscaper: Never totally clean. Bad back/shoulder that requires daily massage. Sees no issue with dancing on ladders with power tools. (Thx, Kaiti!)
• Fitness trainer: Big into being fit; bad if you’re not. Sleeps around with fit women; extra bad if you’re not one of them. (Thx, Joe!)
• Police: Big ego. Always on a power trip. Anxious to pull out the “piece”. Has a stick that gets longer when he whips it out. (Thx, TL!)
• Baker: Creative. Precise. A little too prone to an early death-by-chocolate. (Thx, Lizzy!)
• Chef: Not unless you want to be Mrs. “20-to-lose” for the rest of your life. (Thx, Larissa!)

Anything to add?

If you enjoyed this post, consider giving it a stumble. (Thx, Vered!)

Things that are still hard for me to do:

• Answering emails, replying messages and returning phone calls within 72 hours
• Letting different areas of my life intermingle (personal, business, etc.)
• Being upfront with people and not sugarcoating how I really feel
• Going to bed before midnight

Things that are getting easier for me to do:

• Spending money on clothing
• Losing weight instead of gaining it. (Now at 130lbs, without even trying at all!)
• Putting pride aside in matters of relationships
• Letting go of my perfectionist tendencies where it doesn’t count

Things that are, surprisingly enough, no longer an issue:

• Talking on the phone with people I don’t know
• Eating less, eating slower, eating earlier and eating more often
• Running errands in the neighborhood and/or walking the dog without wearing a “proper” bra
• Drinking lots of water and taking my vitamins daily