Suggestion: It’s probably in your best interest to agree with me when I say we should rip up the carpets and lay hardwood down instead.

Love,
Your adoring wife-to-be

Apparently, my first thoughts would be: “Natural birth or epidural?”

Last night, I found myself in a rather tricky situation. I was suddenly pregnant and ready to deliver, with no recollection of how it happened or who the father was. Furthermore, since I was quite literally ready to deliver (I was already in the hospital), I was panicking, because why hadn’t I done my research on this sooner? Where were the people who could give me information about my options? What on earth is going on? Why don’t I know anything? And seriously, WHERE IS MY IPHONE SO I CAN RESEARCH THIS?

I woke up extremely disturbed, as you can probably imagine. I also woke up with the strangest resolve to do more research on natural births, because I hate going into things without first doing my research.

I wish I could tell you this was the strangest dream I’ve ever had, but I can’t. However, it begs the question: What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had, and did it involve babies falling out of your uterus?

For several weeks now, I’ve been getting that feeling—almost every single day. At first, I patiently went through my planner, email, voicemail and facebook events looking for something I was forgetting. There was nothing. Thinking my body had made a mistake in sending me this ‘feeling’, I ignored it, waiting for my body to correct itself. But it didn’t. It hasn’t.

I’ve raked my brain several times since… deadlines? important dates? birthdays? special events? unreplied phone calls or emails?

Nothing. It is most irritating.

At this point, I am starting to doubt there is even something I have unknowingly forgotten. But the feeling of unease hasn’t gone away, and I am left with two options: either my body has gone crazy, or I have. Neither look good.

Has this ever happened to you? And if it has—how did you figure out what you were missing, and was it really that important after all?

Las Vegas = Fabulous

Smoking indoors = Not fabulous

Getting deathly sick from 20 minutes in a smoky casino because you come from a place where indoor smoking is pretty much totally non-existent and from the caveman era = Definitely not fabulous

Taking 2oz of XanGo every two hours until you fall asleep and then waking up the next morning feeling 90% better = Priceless (And yes, fabulous too!)

… And just for the record, “Wells” is pronounced here as “Wales”, so if you try to type it into the GPS based on how it sounds when the locals pronounce it, you’re going to have a bit of trouble.

Pictures and videos to come!

This was spotted among the other bizarre sights on our road trip to Salt Lake City. Am I the only one who finds this really strange, and maybe a little funny?

(Other info of note: It was windy, and pieces of hay kept flying out and hitting our windshield as the horse was taking chunks out of it to eat. And then my mother commented on how, from behind, this horse’s behind looked like the behind of a fat women who’s skirt was blowing the wind.)

This year we’re driving down instead of flying. This is what my mother had to say about that:

Me: “You know, tonight is election night and tomorrow morning we’re going to be driving through a Republican state to get to an even more Republican state…”

My mother: “Oh no! If Obama wins, there will be violence on the road!”

And she was totally serious. Aren’t Canadians cute?

Meanwhile, I’m curious: Who do you think will win the 2008 U.S. Presidential election tonight, and why?

On a good day, the pattern of my life can be described in only six words: Two steps forward, one step back. On a bad day? It’s those words, only in reverse.

Today is feeling like a two steps forward kind of day.

How is your day going?

He is having way too much fun with this.

In a series of universally-correct, astoundingly astute observations of myself in my natural habitat, I have formally come to the conclusion that I would get so much more done if I did not have:

• A website to write in.
• A tumblr to do everything in.
• A twitter account to update.
• A facebook account to lurk in.
• A flickr account to post in.

So really, it’s not at all my fault that I’m an easily-distracted procrastinator. It’s the internet’s fault.

That feels so much better.

(Of course, I’m staying in a trailer, not a tent, and I’ll probably bring those hot pair of heels I picked up in California, but the lack of a hotel, city and internet and the possibility of bears and mountain lions makes this trip camping in the wilderness, Chanel-style.)

Despite the obvious setbacks of being in a location where there is no internet, I am terribly excited about leaving. We’re even bringing the boat up, and while I can assure you there will be no waketubing, I will sit on the bow, dangle my feet in the water and try not to tan. And it will be lovely.

Have double the fun for me, internet!