24 June 2009
Dissecting storm clouds
This month has been hard on me, emotionally and physically. A piece of cake by some people’s standards, I’m sure, but for me, it has been one of the hardest months I’ve had in awhile—or possibly ever, if I could remember clearly. And so, like any other normal person, I decided to turn 24 bipolar days of highs and lows into four specific lists.
I’m not going to lie; this post probably has nothing for you. It has no deep questions or things to ponder. It’s just a series of lists; a glimpse into the way my mind organizes the things that happen to me, at best. I originally wrote this in twisted, masochistically curious humor (why else would anyone want to relive all the bad things that happened to them for the sake of making it into a list?), but in writing this and other things, I have a feeling I have hit the last nail in the coffin on how writing can be like therapy for me.
So here it goes…
Things that have gone wrong so far in June:
- Someone I love was given 48 hours to live—three weeks ago.
- Extremely stressful family drama, which I—despite my best attempts—got sucked into because somebody has to be the voice of reason and make people calm down.
- I went to the dentist and found out everything I cooked up in my head and freaked out about thanks to google is actually true: I will need three wisdom teeth pulled and three cavities drilled, which means: THREE OR MORE NEEDLES IN MY MOUTH. (So pretty much, I’m going to die. Bring daisies to my funeral.)
- Having my wallet—complete with credit card, UBCDC ID, student ID, drivers license, money and a 50 dollar gift card—stolen. While I was at the hospital.
- Because of all the things that have happened, all the other things in my life (namely, the two big ones: my business and my education) haven’t been attended to in weeks, causing me even more stress because I am so behind on everything and more problems and stresses are piling up because of that.
Icing on the Things That Have Gone Wrong So Far In June cake:
- Three nervous breakdowns—one for every week in June so far.
- “What are you, 15, 16?” — I’m not sure if I should take this as a premature compliment or an insult, because when I was actually 15 and 16, people consistently overguessed my actual age by at least 2-4 years, if not more. So what happened?
- I got called a bitch by someone for a situation I described to someone else, which made me question whether or not I did a bitchy thing (which broke my heart) and whether or not I do the same thing that person did to me, to other people (which broke my heart even more).
- The one person I want to talk to in the midst of many people I don’t want to talk to won’t talk to me, which is ironically unfunny because I don’t think anyone who knows the situation would disagree with me when I say it should be the other way around, and knowing this makes me even more ticked off at myself because despite all that, I still want to hear from this person.
- The couple times I have shared with someone else a little of what’s going (wrong) with my life as of lately, and having them completely miss the problem and its significance in the big picture.
- Having to stay up all night several times out of necessity, leading to the total screw up of my sleep schedule resulting a continual string of late nights (2-3 am) which basically kills the day after and what little productivity I had after everything else that’s happened.
- Tomorrow will be the last day I see the best friend before she moves across the country indefinitely.
Things that have gone right so far in June:
- I’ve gotten to see more of the best friend who moved away and the best friend who is moving away this month than the last three combined.
- The person I love who was given 48 hours to live three weeks ago has not only gotten over the critical condition that put a best before date on her life, but is now doing better than ever. Of all the things that could have gone right, this is the one I was hoping and praying would. And it did. And because it did (despite all odds), it has been the first instance in my life where I have been so overwhelmed and in awe of the power and existence of God, because this is simply nothing short of a miracle.
- As it turns out, those cavities I have are teeny tiny pinhole cavities, and the wisdom teeth that need extracting are still under the gumline with not-fully-developed roots, which is probably the best situation for wisdom teeth extraction and cavity drilling.
- The opportunities I’ve had to “escape” from the problems of reality, and balance out the negative with some great positives; my weekend in Kelowna, my day trip to Bellevue, Sarah & Zillion’s showdance fundraiser, etc.
Icing on the Things That Have Gone Right So Far In June cake:
- All of your lovely comments on the last thing I wrote on here and everything I’ve been posting on Twitter. I really do appreciate that people who have never met me care!
- There are certain people in my life I have come to appreciate and love more than ever through all of this. Some of them have been there when I needed them most, some of them have just been there all the time, some of them have made me laugh until I cried and some of them have showed a strength I have never seen.
- That same dentist who pronounced my fate regarding the wisdom teeth and cavities also praised the state of my teeth, gums and oral hygiene several times, which most certainly made my day, especially considering that previous to that, I hadn’t been to a dentist in ten years.
- Things certain people have said in the last couple weeks that have made me laugh so hard I’ve forgetten—if just for that moment—how messed up everything else is.
- Getting closer to the people who actually matter in my life, and learning to embrace the act of distancing myself from the people, circles and situations of which I don’t need to be subjected to.
Sorry it’s been such a rough time for you. But good for you that you can still celebrate the things that have gone right!
June 24th, 2009 at 11:46 pmMy goodness, when it rains it pours!
Continue to take good care of yourself, Love.
June 25th, 2009 at 10:46 amI’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time of it lately. I hope things only look up for you from here. xoxo
June 27th, 2009 at 5:35 pmYou sound just like me, dealing with issues with humor. That’s how life is supposed to be run. Otherwise, we would let stress get the best of us. I’ve had a real bad June, too, but we can look at the bright side: we are just days away from July :-)
June 27th, 2009 at 6:41 pmOttimo post complimenti!
June 28th, 2009 at 6:25 am[...] closing of this whirlwind [...]
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:03 amJuly 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
WTF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A HEART.
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm