VANCOUVER, BC—The local dog community is left speachless over the sudden arrest of a Mr. Winkey Wood.
Wood, former head of the K-dog mafia, was caught red-pawed today at approximately 13:30 after he stole multiple carrots from his homestay family’s kitchen and proceeded to eat them in their living room, right on the family’s persian carpet.
“I don’t know where I raised him wrong!” Wood’s mother said in a tearful interview with Modern Dog. “He was always so into meat! Why CARROTS? Where did I go wrong?! Next thing you know he’ll be calling me from prison and telling me he’s GAY!”
“It was quite a sight” Admits the daughter. “He never showed any signs of a vegetable addiction.”
Exclusive to chanelwood.com, we managed to get the official mugshot from Wood’s booking officer “Atos”, a giant Schnauzer. Wood (pictured right) had a solemn look on his face as he was carted off to the slammer.
“Strange little thing,” The booking officer said when asked about Wood. “Didn’t say much, only whined like a little girl.”
Speaking of girls, Wood’s long-time love interest, a pretty West Highland Terrier, was available for comment. “What kind of respectable dog eats carrots? Not just eat, but I saw the humans luring him in with fresh carrots—and he came.” She said, appalled. “I’ve never seen something so shocking before. Don’t rabbits eat carrots?”
Upon hearing the Terrier’s comment, Wood’s mother promptly burst into tears. She is currently at VGH where officials there say she is suffering from a mental breakdown.
Wood was not available for comment.