Things my mother says, and why it’s all my fault
My mother is an amazing person. She’s smart, talented, highly independent, very sociable, driven, hardworking and very funny when she wants to be, among many other things. This coming from her daughter is saying a lot, because c’mon—I have to deal with her when she’s worked three night shifts in a row and literally hasn’t slept since. If anyone has seen the good, bad and the sheer awful and can still think know she’s amazing, it’s me. Plus, she’s my mother – Of course she’s going to be amazing. People can’t live within the same house as me and not be transformed by my sheer awesomeness!
She’s all that and more, so naturally it totally baffles me (or used to, anyway) how she can be so smart and yet say the stupidest things ever—at the same time. I say ‘used to’ because I now firmly believe that her moments of stupidity are a direct result of me, as a fetus, snacking on her then-brilliant brain.
Taken from a radio interview with Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of national bestseller “The Female Brain“… and I quote:
Q: Now, I saw you quoted in the New York Times, speaking of pregnancy, that the female brain shrinks about eight percent during pregnancy? And doesn’t return back to its normal size until about six months after delivery?
A: Yes, Debbie, that’s a surprising study that uh has found eight percent shrinkage, even after you account for any increased water weight. And scientists don’t know really why that happens, except that the female brain is doing all kinds of rewiring during that period, to get the mom ready to do maternal behavior. And also remember, the fetus is more like a parasite, and [that] it gets fed whatever it wants, and lots and lots of lipids and special fats exist inside the brain cells, and some scientists speculate that the fetus is sort of snacking on the mother’s brain.
I know that when my mother reads this, she is going to be happy. Because it’s all my fault. She will find some way to translate that into “everything that goes wrong with me is ALL. HER. FAULT!” I think her brain will erroneously translate that quote because as a fetus, I probably ate the part of her brain labeled “REASONABLE THINKING” and in turn, all the excess oxygen started flowing to the part of her brain labeled “DENIAL – IT’S STILL JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT NO MATTER YOU SAY”. I know, I’m a genius. They should make me the brain doctor.
But back to my mother. I have one “outrightly stupid things my mother says because I ate her brain cells as a baby” moment to share, and even though it’s more attributed to a lack of sleep on her part rather than a strange appetite I had as a fetus, I will still share it. It took place yesterday afternoon while my brother and I were discussing (read: betting) who we thought would die in the last Harry Potter book…
I will mention one spoiler in the following conversation below, so if you don’t want to find out anything about the latest Harry Potter book I suggest you lock yourself in a dark cave off the coast of god-knows-where and subject yourself to several years of dedicated reading (the time it takes the average person to get through 759 pages of Harry Potter) before you submerge yourself in a world where you can’t watch TV, surf the internet, read the newspaper or talk to your dog without hearing about Harry Potter.
Denzil: I can’t believe Harry doesn’t die. I WANTED HARRY TO DIE, DAMMIT.
Me: How do you know Harry doesn’t die?
Denzil: I scanned through the ending. It said something about “Harry’s children”.
Me: … Harry’s CHILDREN?!
Mom: … Harry gives birth?!
I’m sorry mom. I guess I ate the part of your brain labeled “FACT OR FICTION?” too.
Nah, you’re mom’s just familiar with the section of the fandom that’s into male pregnancy and was shocked at the thought that JK Rowling might have pulled off a stunning Harry/Draco turnaround at the last minute.
July 22nd, 2007 at 8:48 pmLOL. Sounds like the work of mpreg fanfiction to me.
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:50 amYour mom’s funny! Haha!
“the fetus is more like a parasite, and [that] it gets fed whatever it wants, and lots and lots of lipids and special fats exist inside the brain cells, and some scientists speculate that the fetus is sort of snacking on the mother’s brain.”
OMG, I don’t believe a second of it. In fact, I think it’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard.
Since the body knows that the brain is crucial to its existence, it prioritizes things so that the brain will get the most nourishment. Therefore, if there’s a moment when the brain has to decide which to provide for: brain or fetus? I’m sure it’ll choose the brain.
Reply: I don’t quite believe it either, but when I was looking for possible evidence to back up my mom’s theory that I “stole her brain cells” I came across that quote and ran with it. It was far too good to let go. :P
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:44 amHAHA. “Harry gives birth???” that’s an amazing reaction. Too bad you had to find that out before you’d read it :( I was so tempted to read the epilogue first, but somehow managed to control myself and just read the last sentence(s)
“The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.” :)
July 27th, 2007 at 3:04 pmLOLZ Mpreg canon!
I tend to read the ending before the beginning too. I love being spoiled! XD
July 28th, 2007 at 12:26 pmThis made me laugh so hard I shot snot out one nostril and almost gave myself an aneurysm with the other (I have a cold, so I got that whole runny nose/stuffy nose thing going on). Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog– I’m officially in love with yours!
Kim’s last blog: Pictures for Mothers
Reply: I’m so glad you like it! And, I deeply apologize for any aneurysms and/or snot disasters that may have occurred. :)
January 6th, 2010 at 4:16 pmThis was interesting.
January 24th, 2010 at 9:06 pm