FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Vancouver, B.C.—The Winkey dog has struck again.
Despite his baby-faced attempts to worm his way out of trouble, Winkey (born Sir Winkey Tiggles the Third) Wood was officially charged and sentenced for identity theft and destruction of public property on March 1st, 2009. However, shortly after serving the first half of his sentence, Wood escaped.
Residents and regular readers are warned to be careful: In 2007, he was publicly charged with grand theft of a vegetable item. Previous to that, he was trialled for murder (“THE CROW HAD IT COMING!”, Wood claimed) and following the 2007 incident, vandalism, battery and destruction of public property.
Photos of the defendant:
The defendant caught in the act:
Officials believe he was trying to impostor this tax-paying citizen. The reason why is still unclear, although police think he may have resorted to identity theft in attempt to get away with the damage he inflicted on his owner’s property (photo below).
The grand jury met shortly after Wood was apprehended to decide on an appropriate sentence for this repeat offender. “The decision was easy,” Juror Denzil said. “I said to ‘em, hose er down! The scoundrel oughta get what he deserves.”
And that is exactly what they did.
It was a sad, sad day for this unlucky dog.
Unfortunately, it was an even sadder day for the law: shortly after serving the first half of his sentence, Wood escaped from prison cell 6438 at Grand Master Judge Chanel’s Federal Penitentiary. Officials have released this video still of his daring escape (caught mid-leap), taken just before Wood escaped in hopes that residents and readers will recognize the maniacal gleam in his eyes and turn him in.
It is believed Wood is current hiding out somewhere in the Wood estate. Police have checked the dog beds, the living room, the dining room, and the kitchen, as well as Wood’s favorite spot in the house, the south-facing sunroom. Next, police say they will check the resident bedrooms and bathrooms.
Wood was last spotted in one of the resident bedrooms, blending in with the white sheets. Officials did not make it on the scene in time to apprehend him, however, they remain optimistic regarding his capture and subsequent re-trial for attempting to evade a court-issued sentence.
If you have an information on Winkey Wood’s whereabouts, you are encouraged to contact your local police. Please do not try to approach him yourself as he may be armed and dangerous. And, as his owners tell us, “he has big teeth”.