It has been almost a year since I killed their army and thrawted their plans for world domination. Bitter and revengeful, they plot again…
Let me backtrack. Some of you may remember a particular incident last summer where I left for vacation and returned to find that and moths (literally) took over my room.
For those of you who haven’t heard this disgusting tale, well.. I’d love to tell it, but alas, my mother reads my blog. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have your own daughter tell the story—in public no less—about how she left food and garbage in her room for two weeks and came home to find that her bedroom no longer belonged to her, but to an entire army of lepidopterans?
In any case, this entry is not about how the moths kicked me out of my own bedroom that summer and forced me to sleep on the couch, nor is it about how I gutted everything in my room out into my backyard and got dressed out there for two months.
It isn’t even about how I eventually get tired of sleeping on the couch while the moths had my bed, nor is it about that triumphant day towards the closing of summer where I got on my double-layer gloves, goggles and mask and marched into the battleground (aka my bedroom) armed with clorox beach wipes, a towel to whip the moths, a broom to kill the larvae on my ceiling, and a dust pan to collect their disgusting little bodies. Nope, this entry is definitely not about that.
On the contrary, this entry is about how they are at it again.
… Only this time, bigger.
VANCOUVER, BC—The local dog community is left speachless over the sudden arrest of a Mr. Winkey Wood.
Wood, former head of the K-dog mafia, was caught red-pawed today at approximately 13:30 after he stole multiple carrots from his homestay family’s kitchen and proceeded to eat them in their living room, right on the family’s persian carpet.
“I don’t know where I raised him wrong!” Wood’s mother said in a tearful interview with Modern Dog. “He was always so into meat! Why CARROTS? Where did I go wrong?! Next thing you know he’ll be calling me from prison and telling me he’s GAY!”
“It was quite a sight” Admits the daughter. “He never showed any signs of a vegetable addiction.”
Exclusive to chanelwood.com, we managed to get the official mugshot from Wood’s booking officer “Atos”, a giant Schnauzer. Wood (pictured right) had a solemn look on his face as he was carted off to the slammer.
“Strange little thing,” The booking officer said when asked about Wood. “Didn’t say much, only whined like a little girl.”
Speaking of girls, Wood’s long-time love interest, a pretty West Highland Terrier, was available for comment. “What kind of respectable dog eats carrots? Not just eat, but I saw the humans luring him in with fresh carrots—and he came.” She said, appalled. “I’ve never seen something so shocking before. Don’t rabbits eat carrots?”
Upon hearing the Terrier’s comment, Wood’s mother promptly burst into tears. She is currently at VGH where officials there say she is suffering from a mental breakdown.
Wood was not available for comment.
< ?php wp_quotes(5); ?> What exactly is chemistry between two people? Few people actually seem to be able to define it. For the most part, the majority of us have never given it a deeper thought, or if we have, we came to the highly logical definition of “that intangible something”… But does that really explain anything?
When I was first brought with this question of human chemistry, I was both completely mystified and very curious. Like most people, I’d never really stopped to think about it. But if chemistry in the social world is anything like chemistry is in the physical world, there has to be a logical, tangible definition.
Unsurprisingly, there is: In the physical world, “chemistry” explains how elements combine, behave, and relate to one another. In the social world, “chemistry” explains how individuals combine, behave, and relate to one another. With that technical definition of social chemistry, it brings up another question: What creates chemistry? I have a theory.