Last week, my laptop went into repair.
“When will it be done?” I asked.
“Could be up to two weeks, but probably only a couple days,” cute, possibly-future-husband-material Apple store genius replied.
THE UNABASHED HORROR!
There are people whose lives do not revolve around the computer, and then there is me. Chanel. Girl who is unabashed in her dependance upon her computer and the internet. Girl who is taking online classes. Girl who has all her assignments and notes on her precious laptop. Girl who shoots with a digital SLR, making her photography incomplete without a laptop to process photos. Girl whose major hobbies include web design and blogging.
Girl who is screwed without her laptop.
On Wednesday, I had a gorgeous Macbook Pro with a 15″ matte display that processed graphics with amazing crispness, brightness and clarity. On Thursday, I was timesharing a Windows 7 starter 10″ glossy display netbook with three other people.
Awful doesn’t even begin to cover it.
My dad (the very same one who wanted me to tell my readers he was “dead, or something”) has always preferred to have fish as pets over any other animal. Don’t ask me why. Personally, I prefer to have pets that won’t be assisting the devil in eradicating the human race during the apocalypse, but that’s just me.
A couple weeks ago, my dad’s outdoor fishpond was raided. He had about eight fat, orange goldfish in it. One morning, he woke up to check on his pond, only to find the headless bodies of every single one of his goldfish strewn all across our patio.
That’s right. HEADLESS GOLDFISH. ALL OVER OUR PATIO.
Are you reading this before bed? So sorry. Maybe you should listen to this instead:
In case you’re wondering, the only reason I’m here writing instead of sitting in therapy right now is because I didn’t actually see these headless goldfish at the time. Unfortunately, my dad missed one headless goldfish which had fallen behind the pool, and I had the great misfortune of noticing it when I went outside with my tray of grapefruit a week later.
(Needless to say, I couldn’t finish that tray of goldfish-colored fruit.)
We know for a fact that raccoons were responsible for this mass murder. Specifically, the two raccoons who are always in our yard at inappropriate times, driving our dog nuts just as we’re about to enter the deepest level of sleep around 4 a.m.
Have you ever wanted to see the face of a mass murderer? Here you go:
Look, don’t be fooled by their big eyes, chocolate button nose, long whiskers and teeny paws. Raccoons are cute, but they’re also jerks. They have no sense of decency. Who steals someone’s pets, noms off their heads and leaves the rest behind for the pet owner to dispose of? RACCOONS, THAT’S WHO. Heartless wankers.
Among my many talents, I can also speak Raccoon. Here’s what transpired between the three of us while I was busy taking photos of them…
- Getting a good, early start to the day.
- Falling in love with Evgeni Plushenko because of this. SO MANY LEVELS OF AWESOME.
- Figure skating drama. Love it.
- HOCKEY. Oh my god, I have gone from having zero interest to being riveted by it in the span of one game!
- Finishing my Grace In Small Things project! It’s done!
Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace In Small Things.
