How were YOU punished?
February 25th, 2008Switches? Soap in the mouth? Food deprivation? Cold showers? Spankings? Cayenne pepper?
Call my naivety what you want, but I am appalled to have recently learned that the above punishments are actually considered “acceptable” by a disturbingly large number of parents. How this could be is completely and utterly beyond my farthest stretch of logic, because quite frankly, I don’t believe for even a second that you could starve, beat, or shove soap in your child’s mouth out of “love”. That’s total bullshit. Barbaric. Inhumane. Absolutely, undeniably, without a doubt appalling.
The same parents will often tell you that these children “need” these types of punishments. Somehow, this doesn’t surprise me in the least. You raised them to be this way - of course its your fault that your child is a raving brat. Don’t make matters worse by taking your own failures as a parent out on your child. Didn’t *your* parents ever teach you that violence and anger solve nothing?
Oddly enough, it seems that few to none of my Canadian friends were raised this way, yet many of my American friends were… So I’m curious to know: Were you punished as a child? How? If so, looking back now, do you believe that it “fixed” anything, or did it make matters worse? Would you punish your child in the same way?
My thing was writing assignments. 100 times writing “I will not hit my little sister or break her toys,” for example. If it was REALLY bad, then yeah, we got a spanking. When I got a little older (ten?) my dad started asking me if I wanted the 500 line writing assignment or the spanking, and heck yeah, I’d pick the spanking.
I guess I don’t agree with all the other stuff, soap in the mouth, switching, all that. All four of us turned out pretty good. We’re generally well-behaved and have pretty good handwriting to boot.
Don’t know that I’ll do the whole writing assignment thing on MY kids though. One too many times reading about Harry Potter and “I must not tell lies.” Now THAT’S inhumane!
February 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pmMy dad used to hit my siblings and I with coat hangers, and it seems strange to say this, but I do think I am a better person because of it.
He never did it in anger - it was always a controlled sort of thing. He never left us with pain that would last for anything more than a few hours (usually it just stung for a minute).
I don’t think it was about solving things through violence or anger. As I said, the anger wasn’t there. And at that age, for me, I think a physical feeling that I had done something wrong was the only way to get the point across.
I’m happy with the way my parents raised me (and continue to do so); if I think they should have done anything differently, it’s in areas that have nothing to do with punishment.
Did I behave badly in the first place because they neglected to raise me properly? No. Did the physical punishment “fix” my bad behaviour? I strongly believe so.
February 25th, 2008 at 7:17 pmMost of the time punishment involved going to my room for hours. A lot of times, I was also spanked with leather belts or guava tree branches (…lol). My mom used to make us (my sisters and I) get wet in the shower before spanking, so it hurt more.
I remember that once I said a word, don’t remember which one, and it turns out that it was a dirty word, so my mom made me kneel in a corner for about an hour. I don’t think it would have been so bad if my knees hadn’t been all scraped for falling from my bike.
My dad used to spank my sisters and I at night, because we didn’t fall asleep after 1 hour of going to bed, so we talked. Later when I “learned the lesson” or at least learned how to pretend I was sleeping, my dad picked up the habit of putting Cayenne pepper on my sister’s mouth for talking instead of sleeping.
I don’t think all those years of punishment are justifiable, although I really don’t know if they made or not a difference in our behavior and how we “turned out to be”. I don’t think I will ever expose my kids to such treatment though. I believe there are other (and better) ways to teach discipline, and they don’t involve wet spanking or peppers.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:16 pmThe methods you have listed are a bit on the going overboard side, but there are some kids who need physical punishment to learn that their behaviour is wrong.
My sister and I were brought up exactly the same. Our punishments usually involved a five hour lecture about what we did wrong and confiscation of things we enjoyed most for a very short period of time. The longest I lost use of the computer was about two days. I responded well to this kind of punishment because of my intelligence level.
My sister, on the other hand, has difficulty understand things. When my parents lectured her, she never took it in and consequently is a brat. The one time my father lost his temper with her and hit her was the only time I think she’s ever learnt the lesson that what she did was wrong.
What parents need to do is work out the punishment that is best suited for their children. If it gets to the stage where they feel punishments such as soap in the mouth and food deprivation are necessary, they need to take their child or children to see a behaviour specialist who can give them the tools to punish their children effectively without the punishments you mentioned.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:20 pmI didn’t really get punished. I was a good child. :) My parents put me in “time-out” a few times (meaning that I had to sit somewhere and be quiet).
I don’t know if it’s still allowed now, but when was I little (7-9yrs. old) some kids at school who really misbehaved were giving spankings with a paddle. It was not done in front of other students and their parents had to give the school permission beforehand.
I won’t spank my children, but it’s definitely acceptable here. However, spanking isn’t the same as beating. A spanking is a light tap on the bottom - meant more to embarrass/shock than to hurt, I think.
February 25th, 2008 at 8:40 pmI can’t remember actually ever being spanked but I was certainly threatened with it. When I was a child, whenever I’d do something naughty, my grandma would grab the feather end of the feather-duster and yell at me while hovering threateningly over me with the blunt end of the duster. I believed that worked better than actually hitting me, as the fear induced in me of the unimaginable pain that I would get from the duster “worked” better than actual spankings.
I don’t think it fixed anything, though I was naturally a pretty obedient child. I certainly didn’t learn anything of value from it, perhaps only that I shouldn’t do naughty things around my grandma. :P
February 25th, 2008 at 8:43 pmI consider all of those punishments (and a long, long list of other ones) to be completely barbaric, so I entirely agree with you, of course. When I was a kid, I was sent up to my room or told I couldn’t stay up and watch cartoons… that’s pretty much it. That’s normal parenting. If children don’t respond to normal disciplinary methods, that’s the parents’ fault.
February 25th, 2008 at 10:54 pmI agree with you. Parents lose their temper way too fast. Instead of actually talking to their kid on what it did wrong and why etc they do what’s easiest for them.
To answer your questions:
Were you punished as a child? Not that I remember, I was quite a good girl though :)
How? If I did something wrong my parents would just tell me. And I wasn’t allowed to watch TV
If so, looking back now, do you believe that it “fixed” anything, or did it make matters worse? It was good.
Would you punish your child in the same way? Yes. I never was grounded, hit etc. Communication to me, “normal” communication (I mean, for example, when my lover’s niece, who is 7, does something wrong we talk to her with a normal voice, we don’t yell or say “bad bad girl, nonono… dutzidutzi”) is important.
February 25th, 2008 at 11:30 pmI had my dad put hot chili on my fingers, because I used to suck on them =P
And um… he took away my Internet and my door (used to bang it too hard and the wall could not withstand it).
So um… mostly nothing physical.
February 26th, 2008 at 1:36 amI was never spanked or anything. However, I do know of some people who have parents who used to punish them a lot. I have a friend whose parent once spread salt all over the floor and commanded his son to kneel on the salt for about thirty minutes. And a neighbor of mine was also ordered to climb up and sit on the roof of their house for the whole afternoon during one very hot day.
I don’t think I could ever do that if I had my own kid. I can’t even spank my dog, so I just can’t imagine doing that to my own child.
February 26th, 2008 at 1:38 amWell, yes I’ve been punished: by making me stay in my room for hours, denying dinner, spanking, by being taken away items of my interest and all.
My mom does have a temper, and she lost it quite often. We weren’t that bad kids, but my brother and I kept fighting all the time.
I don’t know if it helped, but it made me respect my mother’s authority a lot more. I think I started behaving a lot nicer to avoid being punished, so, yeah, it kind of helped.
I don’t think I’d raise a child by punishing. My husband doesn’t think that works at all, and he’s never been hit/punished. So we might go for the Tracy parents touch :)
February 26th, 2008 at 4:20 amMy mom used to SHOUT which made me cry and that was it, although there were a few spankings, but nothing as what you’ve mentioned in your title.
I am not surprised at anything people do today “Food deprivation” etc…, human beings are capable of imagining the most cruel things and it doesn’t stop there, they give birth to those unspeakable thoughts of theirs. I’ve always heard of abortion but to be honest with you I never knew how it was done, I recently read how this was done along with…. (okay I won;t get into it.) I did not read the entire article because I was saddened at the extent of human cruelty. Anyway, back to answering the question asked…
I would not punish my children the same way - though my “punishments” weren’t that bad. I just hate when people shout at me, if I hate something why would I do it to someone else?
February 26th, 2008 at 11:43 amI got yelled at, called a lot of names, and hit sometimes. They tried sending me to my room a lot, but that’s nothing of a punishment when my computer/music was in there, not to mention the stash of food in my closet I learned to hoard from all the times they sent me off for the night with no dinner. When I got older, I discovered that I could climb out my window. *winks
You sound like you have a good relationship with your parents, right? You’re (dare I say) friends with them? How would that have been possible if you were scared to death of them? If you avoided seeing them on a day to day basis for fear of pushing the wrong buttons?
I’m not sure that their punishment has made me a better person. If anything, it damaged my self-esteem, and totally screwed me up in terms of relating to other human beings and LOVING people in general. Isn’t that where you learn to love - from your parents? I believe that how they’ve punished/treated me over the years has an impact on my relationships now; not just with them, but with my friends as well.
February 26th, 2008 at 1:37 pmI don’t have much recollection of being punished as a child; I was a good kid. ;) My parents never spanked me, and I think I turned out okay. My mother told me the severest punishment I ever had was being locked in the bathroom for an hour or two after I did something particularly bad (no idea what it was; I don’t even remember this). I can maybe see why some parents spank their kids or make their kids wash their mouths out with soap (both of these are generally harmless), but food deprivation, cold showers, and switches is going WAY too far.
I have no idea how my friends were raised, but gentle spanking is pretty common. I don’t think I could do that to my kids, but then again, I haven’t given any thought as to how I’ll discipline them.
February 26th, 2008 at 4:07 pmI can’t remember every being grounded, but my parents would not allow me to use the computer for weeks at a time. They knew how to get to me!
February 26th, 2008 at 4:45 pmI would always get spankings (not just on the butt either. I would be beaten with a belt on my butt, legs, back, etc.), and I once got pepper in my mouth for saying a bad word. :/
February 27th, 2008 at 12:27 pmI get shouted at alot, and they would ground me if I went out. Sometimes, they’ll threaten to take my internet (I lasted a day with that one!). When I was younger, I would get smacked (wooden spoon) and I think it worked. It was never viciously done, or unreasonable nor was I beaten. Just a couple of smacks is fine and it worked. A young child needs some discipline…though Cold showers and starving your child is taking it too far.
February 27th, 2008 at 3:24 pmI’m all for spankings. Cold showers and starvation, not so much.
February 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pmthe odd spanking here and there and of course the yelling. childhood seems a little long ago lol. hey is this Chanel Wood’s i actually think i know u from camp hope i would believe…hmmm
February 27th, 2008 at 9:19 pmI got the soap. :( And not the bar. I got dish soap!!
February 28th, 2008 at 9:46 amI was locked in my room - I was never in there for more than about three hours. I used to scream and yell and throw things at the door and kick it - there’s a hole in part of my bedroom door.
But now I’m older, I just get yelled at.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:07 amLike Vera, my mom put pepper on my fingers so I wouldn’t suck on them. Turns out I just cried constantly and a word from my dad stopped both the sucking and the crying :P It still bugs my mom to this day that my dad could do that and she couldn’t!
My dad never laid a hand on me, but my mom usually used a hanger or slapped me. Not a big deal, no marks or anything, but it was immediate punishment, and it stung at the time.
Of course, if my parents tried hitting now, it wouldn’t work since we’re older. My dad tried it on my little brother once, he came back out not at all ashamed, that was when he was 11, I’m guessing. I suspect it was due to a gap in the physical punishments for some time. Now we get yelling.
Physical punishment can work, but it shouldn’t be extreme, just like anything else. For us, we weren’t awfully behaved in general, but it was when we weren’t listening that we got the punishment. Physical punishment, I think, makes more of an impression when you’re little; if you’re older, it doesn’t help the situation, and could make it worse.
My own kids, I’d give parenting without physical punishment a shot (I think my parents tried but weren’t patient enough for it to work), but if it didn’t work, sure, I’d use the spanking as necessary.
February 28th, 2008 at 1:39 pmI was spanked on occasion when I was younger. Nothing hard, just something that stung for a few minutes and told me that I had done something wrong. I believe this has to do with what Kaylee said:
February 28th, 2008 at 2:23 pm“I think a physical feeling that I had done something wrong was the only way to get the point across.”
However, I agree that food deprivation is outrageous. Children have the right to food, and when a parent doesn’t supply out of anger, that’s just wrong. There are better ways of punishing someone than by denying them a basic right.
When I was young I got spanked using a broom, punched, kneel on salt, mental abuse and also one time my mom stabbed me with a barbecue stick on my right leg. I told myself that I wouldnt do these stuff to my children. I think I will apply what I learn on the Nanny 911 series on how to raise children since they don’t tolerate physical or mental punishment.
Now I am older I just simply ignore my parents since they no longer hold power over me since i have more money and power than them. I just like the fact that they come begging towards me and I just turned them down.
February 28th, 2008 at 11:40 pmI don’t really know. I knew when my mom was mad at me, and that was all it took. Her lower teeth would jut out, her face would get all twisted and scary looking, and her voice would become dark and evil, and she would say, “I am really angry right now…”
And that’s all it took for me to burst into tears and beg forgiveness.
My mom was scary!
February 29th, 2008 at 7:58 am(although I think it was all an act on her part, looking back - the weird face she would make, the dark scary voice… that can’t be for real, right??? I haven’t seen the face for YEARS…)
I was always brought up with choices. If you made the choice that was wrong or unacceptable - you were punished and had to pay the consequences for whatever you did. That way you were kinda munipulated to act more matuley in situations by your parents.
Do you notice any difference in the friends that were brought up using those methods?
Reply: I do. The one thing that seems common between all cases of my personal friends who were disciplined in that way is that they all rebelled against their parents and the things their parents told them to do (or not to do) once they were old enough to do so. Another really common thing I’ve notice both from some of the comments here and from my friends who were punished is that few of them have good relationships with their parents, either back then or now.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pmMy parents punished me with threats… but that was all there was! We never got grounded or anyting either. I just remembered I was scared when they were mad so I guess that got me pretty good!
February 29th, 2008 at 2:35 pmMy parents did often use physical punishment and not in ways that I’d like to describe online — I would say “it didn’t do me any harm” but it’s taken a year and a half for me to begin to reestablish my relationship with my mother because I was secretly so terrified of her. She thought such punishments were perfectly acceptable though and thus didn’t realise why I was so terrified of her.
I’m extremely opposed to the kind of punishments you’ve listed because it’s just so inherently wrong. Using your child as a punchbag or an outlet for your anger is so unjustifiable it makes me speechless. All to often, and I suppose I’m an example of this, a parents anger takes hold and renders them completely irrational leading them to acts they’ll undoubtedly feel guilty of later on. Trouble is, apologies just aren’t good enough if you know it’ll happen again.
I hope to have a punishment system for my child that doesn’t involve physical punishment at all — I rather like the supernanny methods! :P
February 29th, 2008 at 2:51 pmToo.* Sorry!
February 29th, 2008 at 2:52 pmThank you for the reply. I guess there is a lot of truth in it as well. I’ve never noticed but now that you have mentiond it, I wonder if my friends who did rebel and have poor relationships with thier parents, were treated like that?
I have a great relationship with both of my parents, even though in some cases I did have those punishments. Maybe the reason why we get on so well is becuase I vow to never become like them. =P
March 1st, 2008 at 8:16 amI was smacked as a child. I think it did me good. I’m now such a lovely, polite young person and my nan is always comparing me to my cousins (who weren’t smacked) and saying how nice I am.
I don’t have a problem with parents smacking their children as a form of punishment when they have misbehaved. It’s when it turns into regular physical abuse that I have a problem.
My mum bit me once. Though, that was because I bit her. So she bit me back to make me realise how much it hurt. I never did it again.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:55 pmOmigosh I know! I hated wearing dresses before because I hate my legs but now I have a chance to wear them with my leggings since some of them have lovely colors, prints and cuts! I use to wear my long shirts with my jeans but I hated covering up the back pockets and now I don’t have to anymore. =P
Yay for leggings!
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:59 amPain is definetely the wrong way to punish a child. It only hurts and causes irreversible damage to them. I would never punish my children by doing those things to them. Rather I would try and make them understand why and what they did wrong and teach them the right way. I know that sounds easy, but in fact isn’t. Punishment by causing someone pain is the coward solution, when words are missing. And I despise it.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pmI got spankings, but in all honesty, I deserved them because I was a really bad child. I got punished for the things I did after my parents explicitly told me not to or warned me against (if I wasn’t already hurt after I did the wrong). And if I listed all of these things, you would cringe. Just stuff like answering the door when my mother was in the shower and no one else was home, climbing on and causing said furniture to collapse on me, sticking my fingers into half opened tin cans and getting my fingers stuck in it, climbing up on boxes to reach the pills in the restricted part of the medicine cabinet, ’shaving’ my arms without using water or soap, taking a stapler to my hand…the list goes on and I don’t think I would have made it out of childhood alive if my parents did not spank me. I was not a child who listened to reason.
My sister never did anything close and never got a spanking in her life. Yet my sister is the one who is terrified of authority and I am not. And we both had the same parents. So I say punishment depends on what the child is like, and that’s not the parents fault because every child has their own personality.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:04 pmI have never had soap or pepper put in my mouth so I think thats pretty good.I have been spanked a few times and I have had my cell took away for like a day.When I get spanked it is by my mom .She only uses her hand or hikory never a belt.When I grow up I will spank my kids but only with my hand.The only time it will ge a otk(over the knee spanking)and pant and undies dow is when they talk back or hit.Just a quick question,were you spanked otk?
April 18th, 2008 at 4:52 amMy Mum hit me once. Just once.
She never dared do it again.
She hit me, slapped me hard across the face, because I was on hysterical. When she actually hit me, I stopped crying and yelling all the same and did not speak a word for a week. And not out of anger or such, may I add, but out of shock. I walked around in shock for an entire week, so much had it surprised me.
So, since then, she never hit me again, but I never was that hysterical again either.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:53 am