Of hot weather, outdoor weddings and inappropriately placed mosquito bites (now with survival tips!)
June 30th, 2008I don’t know what it’s like in the rest of the world, but the last two days in Vancouver have been absolutely brutal, temperature-wise. Most locals around here have spent the majority of June whining about the lack of summer and then all of a sudden, SHAZAAM!, 100 degree weather two days in a row.
Well. Let me be the first person to tell you that I hope it rains as soon as possible, because this face-melting heat is HELL. As far as I know, Canadian homes this side of the country aren’t even equipped with air conditioner—which means a whole lot of fans, cold showers, running through sprinklers and sprawling out in dark, cold places are employed as heat-diffusing techniques.
C’MON NOW. If I wanted to live in an oven, I’d move to the south. I’m a 60 degrees sunny day kind of girl. This is why I live in Vancouver. I love the rain, I love the sun, but I hate extreme cold and extreme heat. How about some moderation, weatherman?
According to our local newspaper, summer is the most dangerous time of year. After experiencing two full days of this said “summer”, I’m afraid I will have to agree—and since I feel especially fortunate to have survived the past few days, I feel that it is my duty as an upstanding citizen to share my newfound summer-surviving knowledge with the rest of the world. Behold:
Survival tip #1:
If you’re looking for a place “in nature” to sit down and watch the sunset on a warm summer evening, I highly recommend you do not do this anywhere near mosquito-breeding river. You may get bitten. You may get bitten on your ass. You may get bitten on your ass (and ONLY your ass) an excess of EIGHT TIMES, even though you are wearing shorts (i.e., bare legs) and a halter top (i.e., bare arms).
Survival tip #2:
If you happen to live in an area notorious for rain, it is not unusual to receive invitations to outdoor weddings that say “bring comfortable shoes and an umbrella” on the invitation. If the day of the wedding happens to be brilliantly sunny and ridiculously hot, you may be tempted to leave the umbrella at home. DO NOT DO THIS. The wedding may or may not be under the FULL SUN on a 100 DEGREE DAY and you WILL die of heat stroke around the two hour mark.
Survival tip #3:
These contraptions are quite possibly the most amazing things ever invented for hot weather. Take it with you everywhere when the temperature exceeds 90 degrees. Take it with you on walks (you know, if you’re insane enough to try outdoor activities in that kind of heat). Take it with you on car rides. Carry it around the house with you. Take it with you to any outdoor weddings you may plan to attend—you may never know when you’ll need to spray down the bride and groom.
How do you beat the heat?
Silly girl :-) It wasn’t THAT bad! And I live out in the valley where it’s even hotter!
My ultimate heat-beater solution is just to head to a lake. But you’re quite right, always a good idea to get away from water once dusk hits.
Other than that, I just try to wear loose clothing (keeps you cooler) and drink a lot of liquids.
Yesterday, Greg and I were driving back from a lake in Maple Ridge, and we see a donkey and a young mule running around on the road. So we pull over and walk over to the nearest property, where there are several horses grazing in a yard and an open gate. We tried for a few minutes to catch the two loose ones but they were really panicked, so we tried knocking on the door but of course no one is home. Some other people pull over and tell us that they know the horses, they belong to a neighbour up the road who brought them down to this house to graze down the grass - but the owner of the house is on vacation, and the owner of the horses isn’t home. Great! So those people drive off (very helpful folks), and Greg and I spend the next half hour attempting to herd the young mule back into the fenced yard (thankfully the donkey was smart enough to go in - can’t say that for the mule). Finally I get fed up and I call 911 on my cell. You know how they always ask if you need police, fire, or ambulance? I say police, of course. Then the operator lady was SUCH a bitch! I explain the situation (including the fact that three or four cars almost hit the mule while I was standing there on the phone with her) and she asks “Well what do you want the police to do?” and I’m like “Uhh, well I just don’t want to see anyone get hurt, there is a lot of traffic on this road and the animal is panicked”. She gives me a lecture on how she doesn’t want to see that either but there are matters of life and death that need more attention and blah blah blah. OBVIOUSLY! Hahah. So then she says she’ll call animal control but she can’t guarantee when or if they’ll be around.
By then I was REALLY pissed and having an allergy attack because I was wearing shorts and tromping around in a field of seeding waist-high grass (which I’m hugely allergic to). The mule was grazing at the side of the road at that point so we just left.
Anyway, that turned into a bit of a novel, but the point of my story is that at least you didn’t have to chase around a mule in 36 degree weather whilst covered in hives and having a 911 operator lecture you on the matters of life and death. LOL
Reply: Oh my goodness that sounds like HELL! Tromping around in a field on a day like yesterday is already hell, nevermind the fact that you’re allergic to tall grass?! GAH. Well, on the bright side: What doesn’t kill you… only makes you stronger? :P
I wonder just how many “life and death” situations the MR RCMP dispatch has (or how few officers) that they can’t even come out and give you a hand?!
June 30th, 2008 at 1:17 pmI was camping in central Alberta, and holy crap. Our first night was freezing and from then on it was a scorcher. Today was 30C, and as Alberta is, dry dry dry. I hate it! -40C in the winter and +40C in the summer is no way to live! All I want is to move somewhere where the temperatures never step beyond -10C and +20C. Is that too much to ask?! Not too bad on the mosquito front for me. I have no iron, so they rarely pick up on my presence. :P
Reply: I totally know what you mean. :( I think it’s actually quite ridiculous how fast the temperature can change. Camping in 30C sounds like hell, though. I hope you were near a cold lake!
Generally speaking, if you want to stay between the -10C and +20C mark, BC’s lower mainland would be the place to move - days like today (I believe the weatherman in my computer said we’re looking at a high of 30C) are somewhat few here. GENERALLY. :P
June 30th, 2008 at 6:17 pmMurphy’s law states that mosquitos target covered up asses instead of bare limbs. They just like to make you suffer like that.
I used to live in Vancouver, but I was never around for the summer because I used to “summer” in California.. 100 degrees is ridiculous though! Those water spray fans are lovely, hehe.
Reply: Murphy’s law… LOL!
Your (old) vacationing pattern is all wrong, though! If you live in Vancouver, you should go on vacation any time of the year EXCEPT summer, since summer tends to be our best season here. It’s when November rolls around and brings it’s “month of straight rain” that you should ship out to anywhere like California. :P
And yes, those spray fans are pretty much life-saving right now.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:49 pmI drink a crapload of water and it has done well for me :D
As for the mosquitoes, I learned the “don’t hang out near a water source” lesson well. I wish you lots of bug spray your way!
Reply: Thank you, thank you. I definitely learned my lesson the hard way. :|
June 30th, 2008 at 7:20 pmHow do I beat the heat? By not going outside. :P
Extreme heat and cold suck, it’s been really hot in Toronto as well, so I just stay cooped up in my house all day long.
Reply: Awww. I hate staying inside when the sun is outside! See, this is one of the reasons I love living in an area that doesn’t usually have any kind of very extreme weather - you can always be outside. Of course, we always have a couple days (maybe two weeks maximum) that are the exception to that (like now, haha) … but usually, summer here means you spend all your time OUTSIDE, not inside. Summer all over the world should be like that, methinks. :P
June 30th, 2008 at 7:26 pmI live in Australia, which tends to have long periods of very dry, incredible hotness. Thankfully I don’t mind the heat too much but what I tend to do is just stay in the shade as much as possible and keep myself hydrated.
Reply: Oh, I totally forgot that one - keeping hydrated is extremely important, especially so with the heat! I have no idea how I would handle long periods of dry heat though. :|
June 30th, 2008 at 7:30 pmYour ass features the best mosquito blood. No, sorry, that’s my ass. And legs, actually. Right, all of me. Forgot. I’m grateful to have been home for 90 degree weather and no mosquito-breeding lakes.
As for beating the heat, we live in an old building, with an old air-conditioner in the window, so I fill the bathtub with icy cold water and let it lift out some of the hot air for us. (And then jump in, of course.) I lie; really, I sit here sweltering. Lazy, lazy.
June 30th, 2008 at 7:41 pmI can relate! I live in San Francisco - most houses here do not have air conditioners so we just SUFFER through heat waves. 60 is a little cool for me, but 70 and sunny would be my perfect weather day. :)
Reply: If it’s any consolation, it appears that all the way up (and down) the coast we all seem to have the exact same problem! I think that anywhere between 60 to mid-70 would be fairly perfect actually. With wind! You mustn’t forget that perfect summer wind we get from living on the coast. :)
June 30th, 2008 at 8:24 pmOoo, Us too! It’s been broiling! However… I LOVE IT!
Reply: You’re crazy! :P
July 1st, 2008 at 10:48 amHmm I need to get myself one of those water spray things.
YES it’s been killer here last week!! And I HATE summer.. well I hate it when I don’t want it to be summer… only when I’m on vacation somewhere close to here like Tofino where it’s prone to be rainy and windy.
Reply: You hate summer?! :O … What about a milder, less humid summer? They’re so much nicer. Ooooh, and windy summers are THE BEST!
July 1st, 2008 at 11:50 amOh, lord, my hatred for summer is paramount. I live in Florida, so there’s really only two seasons: desperately hot summer with thunderstorms every afternoon, and really warm summer with occasional temperature dips into the 60s.
How do I beat the heat? I never leave the house, haha. Well, I do. But staying outside for more than fifteen minutes is absolutely out of the question, unless I’m at the beach.
And mosquitoes are pretty much year-round here. I ALWAYS get bit on my jawline or my ankle. They’re awful. :[
July 1st, 2008 at 3:20 pmYou think that is a problem? I live in the central plains (Kansas to be exact). 100 degree temps always comes for us during the summer. June isn’t too bad for us, but towards the end of the month, it starts to get hot. Occasionally, we will have three or more weeks where the temperature is always over 100 degrees.
70 degrees sounds nice, but it would have to be a little bit warmer since I don’t like the cold. Around 80 degrees is the temperature I like.
Staying hydrated and sitting in shade is your best option. If you cannot find ways to help with the heat, don’t go outside. It isn’t worth it.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:04 am