Go on, make my day
December 2nd, 2007I love it when people try to ruin my day.
While I usually try my best to live my life as if the world is conspiring in my favor (as opposed to conspiring against me), there are often moments when it is clear that certain individuals are not - it’s in their words and actions; in the sly venom or double meaning of ill intent encapsulated within seemingly neutral statements.
One big decision that not only forever changed my life but also brought a lot of negative opinions was the decision to leave the public education system forever. Suddenly, people were popping out of the woodwork everywhere to voice their “concern” - What about socialization? Don’t you miss the school system? What about your friends? Isn’t homeschooling for “special education” kids? How will you learn?!
One mother in particular was (and still is) especially adamant to irritate me to no end - even just last year when I saw her at Christmas party she had the audacity to ask me if I had friends. Looking back, the conversation was just hilarious, but at the time I was entirely too furious that someone could actually insinuate that I had no friends.
These kinds of things used to bother me. I used to get irritated, angry, upset, and hurt, but I never took it lying down. I schemed ways to get back at them, to prove them wrong; and for someone who was intent on being right all the time, proving someone wrong in best of ways—by actions, not words—was deliciously appealing.
And when I got angry? Oh boy. If the situation was bad, my anger made it ten times worse. I’d yell. I’d curse. I’d throw things. I’d hit things. I’d break things. I had a nasty little vindictive streak in me. And because I was convinced that I must be strong no matter what, whenever I felt even a tad vulnerable, I’d be furious. Furious at myself, and furious at the person responsible.
Over the years, things changed. For one, I mellowed out - having lived, learned and experienced a lot more in life tamed my highly volatile overreactive tendencies. I also made a lot of mistakes, which instilled a far more humble spirit in me. But one of the biggest things I learned over the years was how to turn negative things into positive things.
When people tell me I can’t do it, I first decide whether it’s something I’d want to do anyway before reacting in any way. If it’s something that interests me, I make it my life mission to prove them wrong. When several people lightly tossed the around the fact that I couldn’t run, it started to bother me. It was OK for me to say I couldn’t run, but when someone else said it? Ohhh, no.
So I joined a running club, and a couple months later, I did a 10K run. Going from a position where I couldn’t run a lap around the track to running 10K was a huge step. It was also made a big difference in my physical body - I lost weight, I was more fit, and best of all, I could do it. And that’s just one of the many examples.
Whenever something negative happens, I put it to good use. When I feel anger coming on, I fight it and take it to the pavement - rain, snow, or sunshine, I’ll run it out until I feel the endorphins kicking in. Once that happens, I’m like happy on crack - anger? what anger?
Whenever someone tells me I can’t do something academically, I’ll sit down and crack open the books. I might put that negativity to good use and write a killer essay that’s probably overdue, or I might try to divide and conquer something more brain-splitting like math. Either way, I actually work better when I know someone doesn’t believe I can.
So please, tell me I can’t do it. Tell me I’m too young, that dream too big, that I want things far from my reach, that I’m crazy for rejecting the standard and wanting more. Try to belittle me, undermine my authority, ignore what I have to say, and make me feel as if I should rethink my beliefs and principles. Try to ruin my day and break my spirit. Say it to my face, and if the need strikes me, watch me prove you wrong.
Go on, make my day.
Can I just say that you have a kick-ass attitude?
December 2nd, 2007 at 5:11 pmWhile I’m completely not that way, I admire your drive and determination to give the proverbial finger to anything that anyone says you can’t do.
I’m jealous, really.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:03 pmI agree with Kaylee. You’re just too cool. I don’t really get motivated from negativity but rather just my competitive inner self that makes me naturally want to beat the people around me who are ahead of me and within “beatable borders”. I think I make people feel gutted that way and I know I’m supposed to compete with myself and not others, but I still do it anyway.
Reply: Aww, thank you. :)
I know what you mean about that competitive streak! Occasionally I get that way when I get too caught up in trivial things, like board games, sports, and stuff like that. I also got into that mentality when my first provincial exam (a somewhat-major Canadian exam for high school students) came around - a girl I knew got 90% on her English provincial, and I was determined to beat her *just because*. It was a lost cause from the start. :P
As a suggestion, instead of looking at a fellow classmate and thinking “GRR, she scored 10% higher than me! I MUST BEAT HER!”, try to force your thoughts in a different direction, like “(name of person) scored 100% and I scored 90% - If she can do it, I can do it. My goal for my next exam is to beat *my* last score by 10%” … So essentially, you aim for the same destination, but with a different motivation. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but with force of habit, you can definitely make it happen. :)
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:51 pmWow that was inspirational. You have an excellent go-getter attitude. I am jealous.
Reply: I’m glad you found it inspirational! But hey - If I can have that kind of attitude (and I didn’t always have it!), anyone can. :)
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 pmHello fellow Scorpio. While you said you didn’t believe in astrology (neither do I), I do think your attitude is that of what astrologists describe Scorpios.
The amount of energy you have is admirable.
I’m like that sometimes, I hate people telling me what I can’t do, and that alone makes me wanna prove them wrong.
Running is used in some psychological therapies for people with anger issues. I ran for a year cause I was very angry about something, and whenever I’m mad I run too. The negative energies seem to disappear that way, I don’t know if that’s because of the endorphines or something else. I may make that my next research paper, maybe?
Are you studying on your own or?
Reply: Funny you mention that - I actually fit the description of a Scorpio very very closely… but then again, I also fit my zodiac description and the outcome of nearly every quiz that has attempted to define me. It’s a little odd, actually. :P
I didn’t know that about running, but it makes a LOT of sense. I want to look into that! If you do a research paper on it, please send me a copy. :)
I’m studying on my own - I’ve actually been self-taught since grade five. After so many years, teaching myself has become a habit - when I want to learn something new (which I always want to do), I read up on it. If it’s something practical, I’ll educate myself first then attempt to learn it “hands on” by trial and error. I’ve found that by teaching myself, I learn so much more because it’s like I’m playing two roles - teacher and student. Everything I’ve taught myself I can teach to anyone. It’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world!
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:53 pmWe’re kind of alike in a way. Whenever I’d get momentarily pissed at people for telling me things I particularly don’t want to hear, I just look back at it and think, if I can do better then what they say then why not right?
This particularly amazed me:
I wish I ran again. I was champion back in high school and after college started I was never really involved in any more running activities and it saddens me :(
Kudos to you, Chanel :D
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:16 amYou definitely can’t send me a million dollars! I know there’s no way you have the ability to do it! You don’t have it in you.
Oh wait, I just realized you said “I first decide whether it’s something I’d want to do anyway before reacting in any way. If it’s something that interests me, I make it my life mission to prove them wrong.” So I guess this won’t work. I doubt it’s something that interests you in any way! =)
I love your attitude, Chanel! Keep it up!
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:04 pm